You voted for it, you’ve got it. This week, we’re going to be doing our scheduled Top 10 for Evil Corporations! Now, we do cross into quite a few different fandoms with this one, which was pretty exciting. We had to seriously think about this one too, with a further 6 or 7 on our minds, but we just couldn’t put them next to these guys.
So, let’s not keep you waiting, who are our Top 10 Evil Corporations and why?
10) Oscorp Industries – Marvel
Super villain manufacturer Oscorp have some very strong mob ties, in fact CEO and nemesis in chief Norman Osborn has worked with Wilson “Kingpin” Fisk on numerous occasions, along with – oh, maybe a dozen or so super villain organizations.
Oscorp are amongst those many non-specific corporations that seem to make “stuff” made by clever people who inevitably become villains, or using the financial backing of a fortune five-hundred company to recruit other villains to put a stop to that pesky Spider-Man. Or take over the world, that’s always an option.
9) Krusty Burger – The Simpsons
Everyone’s favourite T.V. clown is subject to a battery of lawsuits at any given time, which he pays people a great deal of money to help him ignore. His business strategy of lending his name to any company that asks includes a great deal of broken glass turning up in ideal places for broken glass to be, stuff that incinerates itself because why not, and of course, the fast food chain Krusty Burger.
Krusty Burger’s menu includes the Clogger, the Meat Flavoured Sandwich, the Double Double Double Double, and the Krusty-Partially-Gelatinated-Non-Dairy-Gum-Based-Beverage. Hopefully no one in Springfield wants real food, because Fat Tony is keeping other fast food joints out of town. Enjoy your heart attack, every napkin comes with a Krusty endorsed waver signed by DNA transfer.
8) Alpha Sections & the DomZ – Beyond Good and Evil
You could argue that even more evil than DomZ are the allies of the DomZ, but this is where Jade stepped in to save the day with her investigative reporting powers!
So DomZ are aliens who attacked the mining planet of Hillys, where Jade and her friends were. The Alpha Sections promised to keep people safe, though they couldn’t seem to get the job done. Jade suspected that the militant Alpha Sections were working with DomZ all along, so after finding evidence of human trafficking, Jade seeks to see what the connection between the two are.
So if Human Trafficking, killing people and profiteering off of what is tantamount to war? If that’s not an evil corporation, I don’t know what is.
7) Mishima Zaibatsu – Tekken
Now you could argue that there are actually good intentions from the Mishima Zaibatsu. I mean let’s think about it: The Mishima Zaibatsu are basically just the guys who run a fighting tournament. Okay, that’s pretty bad to begin with now that I think about it. They invite people from around the world to become the King of the Iron Fist Tournament champion and he or she who does ends up in control of the Mishima Zaibatsu.
This is a family run business and it seems that after every tournament, someone within the family gains control of the organisation… Did I mention that this family are infused with the devils blood? This company promotes animal cruelty (See Kuma/Panda), family hostilities and even go as far as making men walk around in speedos and act as a butler in return for their lives?
Watch the video above but viewer discretion is advised… Because it’s an old man in speedos.
6) STAG – Saints Row the Third
The Saints Row series is filled with gangs, so how can we be showing off a corporation from a game that’s full of gangs? Surely, the corporations must be less corrupt, right?
So the STAG are the Special Tactical Anti-Gang Unit, a division of the military who are committed to drive out gang culture within the city of Stillwater. These guys employ some rather extreme methods to get their job done, including terrorism and wandering the streets with their weapons fully on display. These guys are the ultimate “Chaotic Good”, but they take it to such an extreme, I’d not be surprised if they were really Chaotic Evil in disguise.
5) Hyperion – Borderlands
As if it’s not bad enough that Hyperion mistreat their workers, automate their own military, blow billions of dollars on living diamond ponies, AND summon apocalyptic monsters, they also make pretty lousy guns. Inverse recoil? On a sniper rifle? C’mon guys, that’s lunacy on the face of it.
Handsome Jack is a superb villain and CEO. Wearing a mask of his own face pre-disfigurement, his delusions and mood swings make for some entertaining answer machine messages and propaganda adverts. He even rewrites history to make himself look super-cool! The rest of his board of directors include his lunatic tyrant girlfriend, murder cyborg best friend, an a bureaucrat. Sick.
4) Aperture Science – Valve
Science is important! Surely more important than life, right? Asbestos has so many creative uses that haven’t been explored. And maybe it’s a bit dangerous to create black holes but they are really useful. Live ammo used on test subjects? Oh come on now you can’t tell me that’s wrong! It’s for science! And we have cake!
Although I must admit, holding hundreds of people in comas for experimentation purposes and leaving an artificial replica of a secretary in charge of the company as it goes slowly mad with the collected personalities controlling the singular drive for testing and discovery, that may be pushing things a little. But Aperture never destabilized dimensional boundaries unleashing a parasitic plague of monsters!
3) Umbrella Corporation – Resident Evil
A large player in a number of industries, such as pharmaceuticals and medical machinery, as well as cosmetics and foods. These guys can’t be that bad at all, can they? Until you uncover that they are working on a number of biological weapons, experimenting on humans via genetic engineering and more.
Of course a lot of the industries they worked in was simply a ruse, I mean these guys did find and experiment with the Progenitor Virus. Later in Umbrella Corporations life, experiments were conducted on students and bam, we start to get all of these bad things happen. Trust me: These guys are as evil as it gets… But what could possibly be worse than human experimentation whilst posing as a “good” company..?
2) Rupture Farms – Abe’s Oddysee
What company builds its’ business model on the enslavement and subsequent consumption of an entire species? What corporation can only be brought low by an accidental agent of divine intervention, with mind control powers and explosive flatulence?
No, this isn’t McDonalds. This is Rupture Farms.
See also, the Rupture Farms subsidiary SoulStorm Brewery, who make the finest beverages ever distilled from Mudokon tears and bones. The Magog Cartel own a range of companies that create a wide varieties of food stuffs from sentient creatures, they also provide fantastic career opportunities for sadists with big guns and terrifying monsters.
1) ACME – Loony Tunes
C’mon, you all had to know this one was coming.
Did you know that ACME doesn’t give out warranties on their products? Probably for good reason with the amount of their oafish products literally blowing up in their so called clients faces. It gets worse when you realise that they’re happy to supply on demand bombs for terrorising innocent birds and all sorts of wacky things.
Not to mention that ACME has got such strong product placement in their worlds, that once you’ve seen an ACME product, you know someone out there is plotting something. Be it catching road runners, drawing tunnels on walls or defying the laws of gravity itself, ACME – I hate what you represent (Shoddy customer service, a lack of health and safety ethics and animal cruelty)… But yet I can’t help but remember the laughs you gave me as a child and I can’t help but love you, too.
Oh dear, the evil has seeped through the screens and into the minds of the young and vulnerable…
Sometimes, we look around and go “Man, that could really be evil”… But we can’t help but love them instead. Probably because what they actually do isn’t that evil afterall. Be it through failure or be it through being actually a really good corporation. Either way, these are our two honourable mentions for our evil corporations!
Before we get into this one, we’d just like to point out that this is entirely down to which version of Pokemon you’re referring to. The Manga Team Rocket is actually pretty competent and the video game Team Rocket is equally as good. I mean in both of those they are successful, so which does this leave us?
During the anime, Team Rocket would be stuck with two catchphrases… And in honour of their honourable mention, here they are:
To protect the world from devastation
To unite all peoples within our nation
To denounce the evils of truth and love
To extend our reach to the stars above
Team Rocket blasting forth at the speed of light
Surrender now, or prepare to fight
MEOWTH. THAT’S RIGHT!
Thinking about those lyrics, that’s really unfitting of an evil duo. Oh well, they made us laugh!
Behind the front desk of Google’s head office is a big mind map with all of their projects and markets they’re working on, all branching from a big circle in the middle reading “WORLD DOMINATION!”
The titanic internet moguls made their fortune on advertising revenue harvested from a simple search engine. This has lead to them creating a wealth of products designed to make our lives easier as well as a bunch of cool stuff like self driving cars and a HUD for day-to-day life (although Glass does look stupid). All this and so much more!
All without paying anything like as much tax as a company their size really should be doing and gathering a small fortune in personal data from every user, which includes everyone not stupid enough to use Bing!
Oh Google you cheeky rascals! What are you up to, you scamps?
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