You voted for it, you’ve got it. This week, we’re looking at some of the most blood thirsty creatures ever known to sci-fi/fantasy. No, we’re not on about a leech, nor a parasite, but they certainly could fall under these categories. We can only be talking about Vampires, a type of undead that likes to nom on your blood, essentially draining you of your very life force. What a horrible way to go.
Have you ever looked outside at the dark night (not to be confused with the film that scores better than 5/7), then romanticised about someone nibbling on your neck? These guys will be a literal pain in your neck when they clamp down on your flesh and drain you of your fluids (That doesn’t sound healthy). Join us as we count down our Top 10 Vampires.
10) Edward Cullen – Twilight
We know, we know. Hold out for the reasons why.
Twilight is a series written by Stephanie Meyer. The novels were a big success and then they were turned into movies. The movies, too, were a big success – So why do people hate it so much? Oh I don’t know, perhaps the fact that the blood hungry undead are turned into nothing more than eye candy and lots of sparkling under the sunlight.
Let me explain why Twilight gets the nod here: This isn’t because we’re fans of it, as we’re evidently not. In fact, we winced when we thought about it. How could Twilight make our GeekOut Top 10 list for vampires? Actually, it’s fairly obvious when you really think about it. Twilight, love it or hate it, is incredibly popular. The books were well written for their audience, if not for your typical vampire lover. Yes, perhaps this makes vampires look nothing more than sparkly soppy teenage romance novels, but I’m all for adding a unique spin to things.
Speaking of unique spins to things, I’m now going to introduce to you my new series of romantic novels, Necronomiloveyou, featuring kawaii C’thulhu!
9) The Count – Sesame Street
Ever wonder why some legends state that a line of salt in a doorway can prevent a vampire from passing? Alright it’s not a common legend, but this is interesting, in some myths vampires suffer an extreme obsessive compulsion to count things, so the same trick would work with sand, or even skittles! No kidding, they drop to their knees and start counting every grain. So that should give you new found appreciation for how clever the character of The Count is.
He is the Count, and he loves to Count. He Counts the spiders on the wall, he counts the cobwebs in the hall, slowly, slowly getting faster! The guy’s just seriously enthusiastic about counting. And well, if he happens to educate a few younglings in the process that’s just a bonus. Sporting the classic widow’s peak haircut and high-collared cape, living in a spooky castle, one would be forgiven for thinking him a villain, but really he’s just a reclusive hobbyist, just like the rest of us.
8) Marcus Corvinus – Underworld
Alright, Seline was cool and whatever, and I guess having a vampire/lycan boyfriend is pretty awesome, but I’m sorry, only one vampire was making this list from the increasingly bland franchise. From the super-gothic lounge-lizards bathing in humanely obtained blood, to the more ferocious and care-free killers, the greatest amongst them was the first, the son of the first immortal who’s transformation made him the progenitor of the vampire people, Marcus Corvinus.
I mean, come on! The guy gets a little lycan blood on him and goes all uber-vamp, those wings? And the bat face? All the guy wanted was to free his brother (the first lycan) and help him regain his humanity, but Kate Bekinsale just couldn’t leave him be. We considered Seline, quite seriously in fact, but sorry, Marcus may only appear in one film but he left an impression that made him a stronger contender for the list.
7) Alucard – Hellsing
The imposing Alucard has a name that when spelt backwards resembles another vampires name, but that doesn’t mean he hides in the shadows of said other vampire. No, Alucard is an imposing, towering beast of a vampire, who shows absolutely no remorse for those he slays. He knows full well about his vampirism and lives to serve Sir Integra Fairbrook Winsgate Hellsing. Who on Earth decided to name her?
Through the series, you see a lot of conflict from within when it comes to Alucard. Whilst he mercilessly slays those he has to, he also has to contend with teaching a new vampire how to vampire. Yes, how can a vampire, y’know, vampire? Still, he teaches her well and with a gun the size of Alucards, you wouldn’t dare say to him “Size isn’t everything.” He towers over just about everything and his gun is simply overkill. Plus, he loves pain. What’s not to love about this red-clad vampire with the most wonderful hat?
6) Michael Morbius – Marvel
I’m a fan of the old 90’s Spider-Man series, but after many years I’m afraid I’ve forgotten most of it. A few things have stuck quite firmly, the theme song, Doc Oc, Venom, and the entire storyline involving the genetic mutations experienced by Spidey, the mutant man-spider, and Michael Morbius, the living vampire.
Transformed in a similar fashion as Parker, but with bat genes instead of spider, Morbius takes his mutation, and dependence on human plasma in a similarly honourable way, but cannot help but kill those he feels deserving, which brings him into direct conflict with Parker who seeks to preserve life so that justice can be done, and Blade, the legendary vampire hunter.
Aside from one hell of a memorable storyline, there’s something amazing about a vampire who begs forgiveness before he attacks, and ultimately helps save Spider-Man from the genetic nightmare he brings upon himself.
5) Spike – Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Here’s an interesting one for you, did you know Spike, one of the best loved characters in Joss Whedon’s teen-drama vampire series, was only supposed to last for season 2? Now maybe, just maybe it was more than the cheeky british accent and the cool coat, but if we’re honest here, it doesn’t matter how amazing his plot became over the years, it was always the british accent and the cool coat! Dude looked awesome and got all the best comedy moments, he had to stick around.
Quicky history: upon arrival in Sunnydale Spike had already lived a hundred years and killed two former slayers, and had in tow the second most insane vampire in the entire series, girlfriend and sire Drusilla. He welcomes Angel as an old friend, not realising that he’s grown a soul since they last met and is now an enemy. Middle middle middle, and he gets a chip implanted in his skull that prevents him from harming humans, falls for Buffy, gets a soul of his own and ends up sacrificing himself for the greater good. For the long version, watch the show, yes I’ve spoiled the ending but believe me it’s worth it. Because Spike is awesome!
4) Sorin Markov – Magic: the Gathering
Sorin might be the busiest vampire on this list, as he’s always got his mind on what’s coming next. He never sits down, he always pushes on to try to get on with whatever is on his mind. He’s one of the oldest planeswalkers which means he’s seen friends and foes come and go. He doesn’t feel any real attachment to anyone or anything, but he’s happy to make allies with those he feels he needs to.
His history with some of the current planeswalkers is quite fun to read up about. The interesting part about Sorin is the fact he’s so free spirited. He’s exactly what a vampire is all about: enjoying his incredibly long existence to his own whims and designs. Perhaps he’s not the easiest individual to trust, but that’s what makes vampires so interesting. They think for themselves, but so long as it benefits themselves.
3) Nosferatu – Vampire: the Masquerade
The Nosferatu are a most intimidating bunch of vampires; they live in the shadows of the sewers and they choose not to make themselves seen. However, if they were to let the world see them in the light, there’d be a most terrified shriek from, basically the entire world. These men and women are so grotesque to look at, so disgusting, that they terrify anyone who even happens to glance at them.
But the Nosferatu aren’t stupid: They understand what it takes to survive and that’s comradery. Often their own allies are a little bit terrified of them too and who wouldn’t be, with a face that only another Nosferatu could love, these guys are the literal embodiment of the living dead. Yet, they are highly intelligent and if you want to play as one, it says a lot about you as a person. You’re quite the devious one… and we all have to appreciate that.
2) Lestat – Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles
They say he cannot be forsaken, because he’s not the only one. Yes, Lestat makes it high on our list of vampires, as let’s be honest: He’s arrogant, he’s cocky, but he somehow manages to always back it up. I mean, he comes out from his slumber in the modern day (Well, the early 00’s) and immediately takes to the world, as if he was always alive around new technologies. But, there’s probably a good reason for that.
Lestat is a rock star, a bonafide one at that. He sells out his gigs, he gets groupies, he knows he’s a vampire and he parades it around the place. His musical prowess saw the modern world as a fresh approach to music, a way to express himself and his fellow vampires. He is able to call out the rest of the vampires, simply by being provocative in his songs. Come to him, all who dare hide in the shadows. Even you disgusting Nosferatu should make yourselves known, as in the modern world, you vampires aren’t feared: You’re gods!
The original, the best. Well alright, not the original, but there’s no denying that Bram Stoker’s legendary monster became the template after which all others were mere shadows. Darkly charismatic, bloodthirsty, and ancient, a true creature of the night, whose shadow goes before him, and who commands beasts, lunatics and storms alike. The vestige of the man who was Vlad the Impaler driven to accept a terrible curse of blood and immortality has been immortalised by so many in the past, Gary Oldman, Christopher Lee, Luke Evans, Bela Lugosi, and countless others (tragically including Adam Sandler) but whatever face he wears he is always by far the greatest of all vampires.
The observant amongst you will observe that Dracula appears twice in this list, here and as the animated version Alucard, well name another vampire more deserving. Capable of overcoming the shortfallings of his lesser kin, daylight, holy symbols, the need for invitation, in fact his powers can stretch continents. He remains bound to the dirt of his grave, and decapitation and staking remain trusty methods of putting the monster down, but even then there are no guarantees.
No other could have been number one, the vampire lord, the master of night, the impaler.
I always like to think of Blade as a little bit of a cheater when it comes to being a vampire. I mean, they take all of the imagery of vampires and decide to say “Yeah, but you know the weaknesses that these blood suckers have? Blade doesn’t really have them, as he’s only a half-vampire, meaning he’s practically immune to things like garlic, silver and sunlight. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he is completely the embodiment of all that is macho and action, but for crying out loud! You can’t just give someone all of the best aspects of one character, then ignore the worst aspects of them: That’s just creating a Mary Sue.
Groans about his half-vampirism aside, Blade is one of comics coolest looking and sounding characters around. Possessing more blades than you can shake a stick at, if you were to say anything of what I said above to Blade’s face, you’d probably end up with one of his blades shoved down your throat. It’s hard to believe that he started life as just a supporting character in The Tomb of Dracula. We’re glad he stuck about though, as the character and the world it’s set in has produced some great films, comics and games.
Marlow – 30 Days of Night
In Barrow, Alaska, weeks can elapse without so much as a glimpse of sunlight. It’s a perfect hunting ground for predators that can only feed at night. The pack that tear through the dark little village are elegantly dressed, black eyed with spiked teeth, and speak in a haunting, whispered language, an amalgam of slavic and germanic languages interspersed with animalistic clicks, like bats hunting.
They have a leader of sorts, and perhaps it’s just because it’s Danny Huston playing him, but he certainly carries himself like an alpha amongst the ultra-violent creatures that descend upon Barrow to tear the populous limb from limb. The name is never uttered in the film, taken instead from the comics (and the credits) although the characters are not exactly equivalent, but it is the film version who deserves at least a firm nod in the honourable mentions.
That’s it, we’re now finished with our blood hungry, essence draining list of vampires. I’m feeling like I’ll be wearing an extra large collar for the next week thanks to our list, but now, courtesy of you guys, we must decide what we do for our list next week. Click one of the options below!
We realised as we compiled this list, we’re oddly devoid of many notable female vampires. Most of the ones we thought of were far too sexualised to really display on this list: But what do you think? Are there any female vampires we possibly don’t know about? I mean, you can have female Nosferatu..? We also thought of Queen Akasha from Queen of the Damned, as well as Marius, but Lestat took that candle and set it ablaze with his rock! Let us know your thoughts in the comments below, or over on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit.