Top 10 odd weapons in gaming

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Have you ever played a game that you really enjoy, where suddenly you see this really odd thing in the game?

No, I don’t mean an odd pair of socks, or even an odd number of teacups in the game, but instead a really odd weapon? We have and we’ve compiled a small list of the oddest weapons in video gaming. These are in no way a comprehensive list, but these are our top-picks for odd weapons in gaming.

 


 

Top 10

10. Holy Mackerel – Team Fortress 2 (Scout)

Have you ever heard of the phrase “You look like you’ve been slapped by a wet fish”? Well the Scout takes it to the next level by literally slapping you with a wet fish!

To make matters worse for everyone who gets slapped by this most holy of all mackerels, there’s a unique kill-icon for the fish – only it counts how many times you get slapped by the wet fish! Seriously, what a nasty slap to the face that is for you and your team.

9. Scalpel – Guilty Gear (Faust)

First of all, I’d just like to point out that Faust is humongous. I mean he barely fits on the screen, that’s how tall this guy is. So why on earth would he choose to fight using a scalpel? Well it’s simple really: He’s a doctor who’s shamed himself by killing a patient. After having the lust for blood, he’s now realised the errors of his ways and wants to make amends…

… By being a good doctor… Who… beats people up with a giant scalpel. Not only is it a giant scalpel, he uses it as a pogo stick, amongst other things at that. A pogo scalpel. Right, that’s enough Guilty Gear for one day.

 

8. The Morningstar – Borderlands

They do say we’d all game better if we played like our mother was watching over our shoulders. 2K games has Mum’s back though, and delivers us a sniper rifle that offers pearls of wisdom with every shot:

“If you were a better shot you wouldn’t have to reload!”

“Wonderful shot! Murderer!”

“Just wait until I tell your father!”

Thanks guys, we needed to hear that, and we’re better people thanks to the Hyperion Morningstar range!

 

7. Hand Cannon – Dead Space 2

Isaac Clarke battles through The Sprawl in Dead Space 2, a massive space station overrun by the Necromorphs. To survive he’ll use a variety of high-tech weapons, from laser cutters to machine-guns and grenade launchers, and beyond those is the single most devastating weapons of them all: the amazing Hand Cannon, a GIANT FOAM FINGER!

Aim this powerful weapon at any enemy and Isaac will shout, “Bang, Bang!” or “Pew Pew Pew” at the enemy, who will subsequently explode into tiny little bits. No more frantic firing trying to dismember the creatures, just point the finger of doom at it and it’ll be gone in tiny little bits!

 

6. Lulu’s Dolls – Final Fantasy X

Lulu is a master spellcaster, throwing out Firagas and Blizzagas left and right, and clearing everything in such a dazzling spectacle you’d almost fear she’d get sued by ILM. But even she has to get physical at some point, and one look at her and you’d think she’d use one of the many belts that make up her bodice or a wand or staff as is expected of a sorceress.

Well, you’d be wrong. Lulu fights in cute cuddly and at the same time creepy style. Her weapons of choice are dolls. From teddy bears to Moogles, these cute little plushy toys will jump out of her arms, run at the enemy and give them a good whack before coming back to mommy!

 

5. Keyblade – Kingdom Hearts

This is the Swiss Army Knife of weapons. It can be used to fight, to open doors and chests and even close entire worlds; but what makes it so unique is that it can cut through anything…without actually having an edge. Just look at it, it’s round-shaped and its edge is blocky!

Over the years the number of people wielding the Keyblades has increased and while there have been edgier designs, the blade has never has never truly been sharp. You’d think it would work as a hammer, but nope, not in the Kingdom Hearts universe. If it’s a big key, it’ll cut through anything!

 

4. Earthworm Jim – Earthworm Jim

Earthworm Jim is a really super guy. An ordinary earthworm in an enhanced mechanical suit that grants him sentience, you have to ask yourself is the worm the hero, or the suit? Well the suit seems to know, and uses the symbiotic wriggler more as tool than pilot. In the games you can use your worm to lash onto hooks, ride zip-lines and whip your enemies into submission if your ammo’s running low.

There’s a joke in here somewhere, but I think the fact that you can use yourself as a tool is joke enough in itself. Nope, I just made it worse.

 

3. Dubstep Gun – Saints Row IV

The Third Street Saints, over their long criminal and media entertainment career have had a lot of weapons in their arsenal, but none as deadly, terrifying and rhythmic than the Dubstep Gun!

Simply aim and pull the trigger to unleash a hellish beat upon your enemies. They won’t be able to resist and they’ll dance to the beat to appease the weapon’s hunger until they just explode. Thankfully, for the universe, the weapon has a low ammo count.

 

2. Old Woman – Worms

Worms is bulging with weird and wonderful weapons; they’re invertebrates with floating hands, so this game was never going to be all uzis and shotguns. While we considered the legendary super-sheep, banana bomb, or concrete donkey, we respect and fear our elders, even if those elders are infirm, toxic-ally flatulent and explosive.

Unleash the wrath of the walking-stick wielding monster, the hunchbacked, thick spectacled octogenarian of carnage. Watch as your enemies inhale her every noxious emission before she explodes, for reasons!

 

1. Mr Toots – Red Faction: Armageddon

You’ve read this right and the video above really doesn’t do this enough justice… And that was the promotional video for this weapon! Yes, it is time to unleash a smelly dose of rainbows and sparkles upon your enemies in a laser-like rainbow storm.

To sweeten the deal even more, your gun is made even more magical than you could ever think possible. In fact, you get your very own Mr. Toots to help you spray butt-propelled rainbow laser beams upon your unsuspecting foes. If you’re in need of explosions, Mr. Toots the magical unicorns butt can provide this for you… And for the sake of the world.


 

Honorary mentions

So these are the weapons that certainly can’t be considered normal by any stretch of the imagination, however it’s worth noting that next to our top 10 list, they just aren’t odd enough!

Rather than dismiss them as the norm, we thought we’d give a special shout out to…


Cat Suit – Super Mario 3D World

We couldn’t quite get the Cat Suit as a fully justified weapon as honestly; it’s not. It’s a utility item but it’s one heck of a utility item at that!

Allowing you to climb and cling, claw and chew your way through any of the ridiculously hazardous lands of the Mushroom Kingdom, the Cat Suit is memorably for the fact it’s so damn adorable being a cat. Shame that it’s actually still a dirty, smelly plumber underneath that cat suit and not it just be an actual cat! Jump out at your opponents to make sure they know you’re not a feline to be messed with! This kitten certainly does have claws!

 

Bow-wow – Legend of Zelda

Koholint Island has a variety of weapons and items for Link to use on his quest to wake the Wind Fish. The most deadly, however, is Bow-wow, Madam MeowMeow’s pet Chain Chomp. Link gets to take him out for a walk around the swamp, opening the way to Bottle Grotto.

He’s an NPC, true, but he’s also the cutest overpowered weapon in the game. It lashes out to the nearest enemy and just devours them! Nothing is left of the poor victim, just loot. But as horrifying as it sounds, you can’t be mad at or afraid of that cute little razor-teeth-filled face!

 


 

Those were our top 10 odd weapons in gaming along with two more honorary mentions. We’d like to extend our thanks to Kevin of The Mental Attic and 1001-Up who joined us in writing our Top 10 list this week!

As always, please do leave a comment for us and tell us what are your favourite odd weapons in gaming? Do you think our rankings have been fair, or have we completely dismissed your favourite odd weapon which you think should be shown off? We’d love to see more!

If you want to get involved with the little chit-chat that goes behind these top 10’s, just drop us an e-mail. Alternatively, say in the comments below and we’ll try to make sure you’re included in the writing process behind one of these Top 10’s. Until next time, keep fragging with rubber duckies or whatever sort of weird weapons you like to use… I know I’m going to enjoy playing Guilty Gear and fighting people with an anchor, or perhaps a yo-yo and a hula hoop! A giant scalpel works for me, though!

Top 10 inanimate objects in gaming

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As we play through some games, we notice that we get distracted by things that probably shouldn’t distract us. I mean let’s face it; how many times have you been playing a game when suddenly you see a stick and you can’t help but wonder what you can do with said stick?

Or how about that really useless medallion that you are sure has a use in the game? How about a game within a game!? Inanimate objects within gaming can make us feel more emotions than we might think. So buckle up as we explore some of our favourite inanimate objects in gaming.

 


 

Top 10

10) Top Hat – Monopoly

 

“I want to be the thimble”. “I want to be the iron”. “I want to be the top hat, because I’m classy”. Yes, I think we all argued when playing a game of Monopoly as to who gets to play as what piece. The dog or the top hat were always my choices because who on earth would want to be a Thimble or an Iron!?

I don’t know, but some people really liked those pieces. Some people even argued that the Thimble was actually practical in the real world, but hey: That top hat is too. It could be the tiniest real life top hat to wear out and about to show how classy you are!

 

9) Camera Monitoring Device – Five Nights at Freddy’s

 

An all around terrifying experience, Five Nights at Freddy’s pits you in this place (called Freddy’s) where you have to survive for five nights. Huh, fancy that. However one thing really made this game stand out for me.

It’s a horror game where you are stuck to your security control room and all you have to see what’s going on is this camera device and some doors. The camera device are your eyes and ears for what’s going on around you – and yes, it truly is a harrowing experience.

 

8) Attorneys Badge – Phoenix Wright

 

“This is my attorneys badge”, Phoenix reminds himself and everyone around him regularly that he is actually an attorney and he’s not just some crazy man who’s asking them some crazy questions whenever he can.

Phoenix Wright is a defense attorney, but sometimes it’s impossible to tell people that without solid proof. Some people actually need to see your badge in order to help you out, whereas others think you’re a bit wacky for showing it to them. Either way, Phoenix is always wacky to me!

 

7) The trap – Mousetrap

 

When you were a kid, how often did you get to play Mousetrap? If you did, you’d have had hours of fun building this crazy mouse trap made up of many different inanimate objects. From a ball, a diver, some planks, a crank, a marble, a boot and even the cage itself, playing this game was hours of amusement.

Heck, it was even better when you set everything up, a mouse lands on the “Trap” square and then bang – The trap itself fails. Why? Oh you could mock the person who messed up but in all honestly, that only ever happened once and I think that’s a good way to lose friends.

… Don’t mock Mousetrap players.

 

6) Consoles – Pokemon

This is an odd choice of inanimate objects but I always remembered these in every Pokemon game. I think everyone who has played several iterations of Pokemon games have interacted with these in-game consoles just for a line of dialogue that might read like: “AshKetchum played with the SNES. Well that was fun, time to get going.”

I mean, these are clear product placements – But you can’t help but love Nintendo and indeed the Pokemon Company for it. It’s a little reference to the real world which helps to compel you to the idea that Pokemon are real damn it and they need us, their trainers, to look after them and to train them. After all, there are a lot of Pokemon out there in the world to be caught. Gotta catch ’em all, after I 420NOSCOPE you on Call of Duty first.

 

5) The Rock – Rock of Ages

The smiling rolling stone of doom and gate-smashing. Rock of Ages is a fantastic blend of tower-defence and tower smasher, but the over-the-[lack of]-shoulder camera perspective turns your primary weapon into a bizarre protagonist more memorable than whozits that you’re actually supposed to be playing.

As the rock rolls you have limited control over its’ movement, but you can add skins and upgrades to the Rock that make it uniquely yours. Slap on a troll face, set it’s grin ablaze then get rolling!

 

4) The Ball – The Ball

A ball and a man’s journey through life with his ball. No really, that’s basically The Ball which is a fantastic indie puzzler adventure game made by the same guys who make my all time favourite horror game, Killing Floor.

Tripwire Entertainment made you feel connected to that ball in a way you couldn’t think possible – But it’s simply because it’s a ball. You want to move it, you want to play with it and most of all you want it to help you out of some tight spots. Nice work, ball!

 

3) Can – Half life 2

“Hey you…”

An innocuous little “teaching moment” at the start of Half life 2 underscored the totalitarian and militaristic world of Valve’s creation. A faceless Combine soldier demands that you pick up a drinks can and throw it in the bin nearby, a simple task that he created for us by kindly knocking it to the floor for you. This small incident has become one of the game’s most iconic moments.

If any one of you says that you did not throw it at the Combine’s stupid head then you are a liar with stun-stick burns, we all did it, and we all heard that arrogant little chuckle as he walks away, satisfied with a power-trip well done.

2) Ten Foot Pole – Dungeons & Dragons

We need this. That’s why it comes as standard in the adventurers kit, along with food, a water skin, a bed roll, rope, flint and tinder. The ten-foot-pole is one of the most improbably practical objects that everyone carries everywhere they go, without questioning how they’re going around with this thing that mysteriously fits through every tight corner, low ceilinged chamber, and how you can hide behind a four foot crate with a ten foot pole on your back.

The trap finder! The thing poker! The impromptu bridge, tent pole and occasional weapon. Ten feet of wood was never so handy…. no shut up, it’s not a euphemism! We need this! For reasons!

 

1) Weighted Companion Cube – Portal

No inanimate object has ever been more iconic than your loving companion who definitely will not stab you in your sleep, the weighted companion cube. A standard Aperture-Science storage cube with a heart replacing the Aperture logo features heavily in the artwork and poetry of former test-subjects, scrawled upon the walls in every corner where GLaDOS cannot cast her endless eyes.

The source of countless memes and fan projects, the companion cube became the most beloved block to take wing on the internet. And it’s not dead. Never forget it. The cube lives!

 


Honorary Mentions

Once again in our honorary mentions section, we’ve accidentally got two things from two different games which are basically exactly the same thing. Kind of. We have even named them the same. At least it’s not “Everything” this time… Oh good grief wait a minute…

Stuff – Katamari

So if you’ve never heard of Katamari or played the game, then basically the premise is this: You are a little guy who’s rolling around a little ball. Things get stuck to your little ball and you will slowly but surely get a bigger ball because of this.

Everything builds up and makes that ball bigger and bigger until it spirals out of control and oh my gosh now you’ve got a ball the size of a city! You just gotta keep on rolling to win in this game and yes: Size truly does matter! Everything sticks to this ball eventually. If only you could get the whole map itself stuck to the ball, now that would make me laugh!

 

Stuff – Little Inferno

First Catalogue

Yes, everything you buy in Little Inferno is actually for use in the game as something to be thrown into a fireplace. Whilst that’s not the best use of your money, it certainly did keep us entertained when we played through Little Inferno.

I especially loved popcorn. Incidentally if any popcorn companies are looking at this, please do sponsor us with popcorn. We’d love that.

 


 

 

Sometimes once we’ve played a game, we remember more than just the characters. Those inanimate objects that we’ve mentioned above have sure shown us that. Sure, some of them might be a bit more obscure, but heck – We loved them and we wanted to share them with you all.

Do you remember any inanimate objects in gaming that really made you go “that’s cool”? What do you think of our list above, would you add or change anything within the list? As always, please do comment and give us a like if you liked this post! Until our next Top 10 article, take it easy!

Top 10 food and drinks in gaming

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Since time memorandum men and women have been living in a constant state of war, conflict and trials.

The burning question which has kept us all awake at night is finally going to be considered here on GeekOut… What are the top 10 food and drinks in gaming!?

Let’s find out, shall we hungry viewers? Pull yourself a smooth beverage and here we go!

 


Top 10

10. Curry – Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Who’s up for some hot stuff?

Seriously, this is some ridiculously hot curry. The best thing you can do is go to the settings and put yourself to “Curry” mode in the gameplay settings. Oh yes, watching your fighters run around literally breathing fire along the way – It gets silly, it gets rather hot and bothersome… And it’s downright funny.

Don’t believe me? Go boot up Brawl, set everyone to “light” weight, with bunny ears and curry. Good luck holding your breath to that one!

 

9. Chupa Chups – Zool

An unapologetic game which was ridiculously tough, Zool: Ninja of the nth Dimension is one of these games that you would have heard of in nightmares if you owned an Amiga. The thing is, however the first three levels have some of the most blatant product placement in existence!

That’s right, we’re on about Chupa Chups being absolutely everywhere in those first three levels. You certainly can’t forget a game like Zool when all you see are delicious sweets everywhere! Great, now I wanna get me some Chupa Chups.

 

8. Sweet-Rolls – Skyrim

Let me guess…

Skyrim took the immersive level of their classic franchise up a notch when they gave us the opportunity to actually assemble dishes out of the random foodstuffs we used to stuff raw into our virtual faces, giving extra bonuses. There are also the really cool unique foods, like Alto Wine and Elsweyr Fondue that add more depth to the already colossal world. We also can’t help love the attitude towards alchemical ingredients: “I wonder if this is poisonous.”

But we are so sick of being asked if someone stole our sweet roll. Who exactly do the guards think are taking them all? We’re the PC here, our first reaction when finding a new place is to steal its’ entire contents, especially the confectionary. SO STOP ASKING! And we don’t care about your previous careers or knees.

 

7. Wall Dinners – Castlevania

Ever wondered what eating chicken from a dirty old castle would be like? I’d imagine not tasty. Now try and picture that same chicken dinner being stuffed inside of a wall which crumbles upon whipping.

Now it’s a lovely chicken roast dinner covered in the rubble and ash from a whipped up wall. Delicious!

 

6. Rare Candy, Moo Milk, Lemonade – Pokemon

I am constantly reminded of the first time I played Pokemon Red. The game was so devoid from the real world, it was beautiful!

Then suddenly you see a vending machine selling Lemonade. This was the first time I questioned: What other similarities are there between Kanto, Johto, Hoenn etc and the real world?

Further to this, in later games there is a ranch that sells milk… From the Cow Pokemon – Miltank! Now I’m picturing that this world keeps Torchics to lay eggs! Yikes!! But don’t worry; all of this “realism” disappears when you realise Pokemon level up to some Rare Candy… Wait, how did you all get so buff looking?

 

5. Nuka-Cola – Fallout

Now in more varieties than ever before! Nuka Cola was the favourite beverage in the Fallout series, water being basically undrinkable in post-nuclear-apocalypse America. If you’re willing to drink the glowing variety there are some rather cool perks, including a bonus fruit flavour, and glowing urine. Nuka Cola adverts are everywhere in the Fallout universe, all of them looking strangely familiar.

Nuka Cola is iconic, and the brand may very well be as recognizable as the brand it’s designed to parody. It may very well have as many varieties and related merchandize as the original these days too.

4. Grog and root beer – Monkey Island

It’s pretty obvious that grog will feature heavily in a series about pirates. From it eating through several metal tankards before staging a jailbreak across town, to shutting down sushi boat canals in the local Japanese restaurant, this drink not only quenches your thirst (and burns your throat to pieces) but is useful in many a situation. One of the friendly pirates in the Scumm Bar will even give you a recipe if you ask him nicely.

But what could be better than grog? Well, root beer of course! In the first game of the series this fizzy drink is shown to have special powers that rival the extremely rare voodoo anti-root, enabling Guybrush to thwart the evil ghost pirate Le Chuck after grabbing a can from the vending machine at Stan’s Used Ship Emporium. You’ll never look at a carbonated beverage in the same way again.

3. The Cake – Portal

Seven years on we still aren’t certain whether or not the cake is a lie. Was GLaDOS ever going to give us the cake? Was it even real, or just some hallucination brought about by hurling yourself through amplified gravitic space? We know that it drove former test-subjects to write on the walls, and inspired many of us to perceive a far deeper philosophy in Portal.

The game that spawned so many over-used internet jokes and memes at times still feels like the gift that keeps on giving. The sequel also delivered us the Aperture Science Incendiary Lemons! Who knows, if Valve ever work out what comes after 2, we may see another food to add to the list.

2. Super mushrooms – Super Mario Bros.

In real-life you really shouldn’t pick and eat red mushrooms, but that doesn’t stop the famous mustachioed Italian plumber known as Mario – he’s such a risk-taker. Devouring these vivid fungi will cause him to double in size and strength (and his clothes to do the same!), allowing him to smash through bricks and take an extra hit from enemies before returning to his normal short-and-pudgy size.

Also be sure to keep an eye out for the green 1-Up version; you might put our hero’s well-being in danger when attempting to grab one but a successful attempt will earn lucky players an additional life. Mushrooms are obviously so super that they have an entire kingdom named after them in Mario’s world, so we think they deserve to go high on this list. No pun intended… well, maybe.

1. Peperami – Animal

So here’s something that should never have happened, a computer game to advertise a “meat” snack, peperami. Some of you (if you were in Britain at the time) may recall the adverts of the 1990’s, an angry sausage voiced by Adrian Edmondson with a foul attitude. Well, the computer game based on that character was…. actually hilarious! Graphically average for 1996, reasonably tough puzzles at times, but the voice acting and the terrible comedy made the game something truly spectacular.

Ade Edmondson shines through this prolonged, interactive advert, and makes this game not only playable, but an absolute joy. Awful puns, loud abuse, slapstick, and the ability to attack whatever you like. I cannot rate this game highly enough for sheer comedic value.


Honourable Mentions

Sometimes even the best of foods just can’t quite make it to the top of a list. As such, we thought we couldn’t forget about these games where food is the main focus!

 

Everything – Kirby

Kirby is one hungry little pink ball and he intends to make an example out of anything he eats! Be it a Waddle-Dee or a dog that likes to freeze Kirby, the little pink ball will eat them all. Not only does he eat his enemies/”everything”, he also manages to make it look cute in the process and copy the powers of his enemies! As the phrase goes; you are what you eat!

Alas Kirbys eating habits makes it a bit hard to pin-point a specific food, hence he doesn’t quite make it to the Top 10. Hang in there, little pink ball of Kirby awesomeness!

 

Everything – Pac-Man

Pac-Man Power-Pellet

Yep, we’ve copped out a bit by having the exact same thing as the honourable mentions. Pac-Man is another character whose only purpose in life is to eat everything within his sights. Unlike Kirby, Pacman likes to eat Pac-Dots, Power Pellets and ghosts. Yum, all of that ectoplasma-y goodness! Pac-Man also likes to remind its viewers to eat a portion of fruit every day!

At least he’s harmless to us people…… Right?

 


This week we were blessed to be joined by the lovely Kim of 1001-Up who did the Monkey Island and Super Mario Bros. sections – Thank you, Kim! Everyone else, please go ahead and check out her works over at 1001-Up today!

Well, that’s it for another weeks worth of Top 10 goodness! I hope you’ve not stuffed yourself too silly on our gourmet meals and finest drinks. But don’t worry, Top 10 will be back sooner than you can spell out a French recipe with many “hors d’oeuvre”. Hey, would you like to take part in selecting our next Top 10 (and special mentions)? Why not hit us up by clicking this link and dropping us an e-mail? Whether you’re an avid reader of the site or a new fan; Come take part!

What did you think of our mouthwatering selection this week? We were quite happy with our selections, Timlah was especially chuffed at being able to include Zool in a list! What foods and drinks are most memorable to you in gaming? Until next time, take care!

Top 10 – Alternative Worlds

It’s hard enough to design one world, but a game that depends on many can be a hell of a thing to pull together.

Welcome to our list of games that span multiple plains of existence, and use them to great effect. Tim, Joel, and special guest writer Dave picked apart our myriad options and narrowed it down to the ten we thought were best. We’ve focussed on games that use several, original worlds and use them to great effect as part of narrative or gameplay.

Continue reading “Top 10 – Alternative Worlds”

Top 10 Dead Characters in Gaming

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What a weird name for a Top 10, right?

I mean, it’s all well and good that this is a Top 10, but are we really going to celebrate those times you die in a game? Well no, we’re not. This Top 10 is dedicated to those characters that start the game dead.

That’s right, they’re dead before things happen in game. Nevertheless, these dead characters are important to their respective games and franchises, so we feel like they all deserve to have a tip of the hat as it were. Without delaying you from this awesome list any longer, here we go!

 


 

Top 10 Dead Characters in Gaming


10. Carlos Calaca – Guacamelee!

Calaca

The big bad guy of Guacamelee! imposes his way to number 10.

Originally a human, Carlos made a pact with the devil himself by selling his soul to win a competition. Well, the devil tricked him and yes – this makes Carlos a bit angry. So he exacts his revenge… By turning the devil into a chicken.

Now, an undead who’s in the land of the living, Carlos is looking for a way to bring the lands of the living and the dead together so he can rule over both.


9. Jackie Estacado – The Darkness

Jackie

The game based on the comic book series begins with the legendary line “I remember the day of my 21st birthday. That was the first time I died.” Jackie is kept immortal by the inherited power of The Darkness, a demonic force that not only serves as a devastating weapon, but also rebuilds the body of the host if slain.

It’s debatable whether or not Jackie Estacado is dead, but he undoubtedly deserves a place in our list for one hell of an introduction.

 

8. Sandro – Heroes of Might and Magic

Sandro

Sandro is one of the few characters to appear (at least by mention) in every single version of the Heroes of Might and Magic series. Now in its’ sixth title, the necromancer has made a triumphant return to the game (albeit as a separate entity with the same name – and indeed nickname – to appeal to fans) after a brief disappearance in the fifth, but even then held no small influence on the games’ storyline.

Cunning, diabolical, and completely skeletal, Sandro became the focus of his very own expansion campaign in HoMM 3: The Shadow of Death; and again in HoMM 6: Danse Macabre.

 

7. Aiden – Beyond: Two Souls

Aiden

Jodies spiritual partner throughout the game is Aiden, who you later find out is *BLEEEEEEEP SPOILERS*. Ahem, excuse me.

Aiden is really impressive throughout this game, as you don’t see who Aiden really is until right at the end of the game (in any physical form, this is) and he has direct influence over the entire game. He is able to interact with the lands and if you have a player two plugged in at the time, player two can be Aiden! I felt this was an excellent mechanic that could really have done with having more exposure.

If the lovely 1001-Up are reading this, I would have put Jeff here, but sadly Aiden had more of an impact on the story. Jeff is a personal honourable mention of mine!


6. Kain – Legacy of Kain

Kain

A magnificent anti-hero, the saga of the vampire Kain tells of his growing narcissism, how his jealousy caused him to destroy his greatest lieutenant – Raziel – and cast him into the abyss and creating his mightiest enemy.

Kains’ death at the hands of an assassin begins the series in which he plays both protagonist and antagonist; in the final instalment (Defiance) alternating between the two as the game progresses. At all times however, he is an arrogant and self serving tyrant.

5. Sorin Markov – Magic: the Gathering

Sorin-Markov

The vampire Planeswalker of Magic: the Gathering makes his mark at number 5.

Ascending into the status of a Vampire Planeswalker, Imprisoning the Eldrazi at Zendikar, leading vampires. Yeah, Sorin has a pretty impressive resume. Players who go against a deck with Sorin in it will feel the effect of his presence very quickly. Just hope he doesn’t keep draining your life with his sangromancy!


4. Sir Daniel Fortesque – MediEvil

Sir Daniel Fortesque

When one of the main features of you is that your head comes off and you can put it on little scuttling hands so you can scout around the place, you know you’re pretty much dead. Well, yeah in fact Sir Daniel is brought back from the dead to fight off the evils that are plaguing the land!

Hence the name of the game. MediEvil. See? There’s a reason for everything. This game was hack n slash action greatness… Pick up number 2, at very least. That game rocked my childhood and it’ll equally rock yours.

Plus, you get to run around with big ol’ guns and swords. What more could you want when dead!? Oh, yeah: You get to end number two by going back to your deathly slumber with your kick-ass sidekick by your side!


3. Cave Johnson – Portal 2

Cave Johnson

Do you know who Cave Johnson is? He’s the man who’s going to burn your house down! With the lemons!

Although he never appears, Cave Johnson – former founder and CEO of Aperture Science – is an integral part of Valves’ Portal 2. Through his voice-over guide through the old test chambers in the second half of the game reveal his declining health, how his insane ideas put the company into deep jeopardy, and the origins of GLaDOS herself. His exposition and ranting is also rather important to the very last puzzle in the game, so pay close attention.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8ufRnf2Exc


2. Vecna – Dungeons & Dragons

Vecna

For many years Vecna has been a member of the Dungeons & Dragons pantheon. Once a mortal man turned undead through arcane prowess, turned divine by cunning manipulations and powerful friends. His legend is a long story in its’ own right, but now he spawns a wealth of undead-inspired campaigns and famous in game stories.

Most famous for his missing his hand and eye which are themselves artifacts that feature in every core rulebook, Vecna is perhaps the most famous NPC to grace the game.


1. Manny Calavera – Grim Fandango

manny-calavera-grim-fandango

The smooth talking salesman from the game directed by that smooth talking developer, Tim Schafer. Manny Calavera has a crummy job and is looking for that one lead in his life. He’s looking for his own ticket on the number 9, but we decided to give him the ticket to our number 1 spot instead.

Friends with a demonic mechanic, making enemies who are the dead equivalent of the Mafia, riding around in hot rods. Running hotels, fancy suits… Manny Calavera is truly a man’s man and a ladies turn off. Just like how we all want to be in the real world… Wait, what?!

Shooting, crime, deception, you name it – it’s in Grim Fandango. It’s a classic adventure game that’s due a remake.
… Any time soon.


Honourable mentions

Sheesh, even in death we’re not giving these guys a break.

On the plus side for them, they still get a mention as they are pretty damn cool dead characters, so at least it’s not all bad news. They just missed out on the Top 10 for various reasons, however we’ll probably explain why in their listings.

Probably, because you know: These guys are dead already, I’m sure they won’t mind if we “accidentally” forget about them!

Dry Bones – Mario

Dry Bones

One of the most lovable dead characters in existence, Dry Bones doesn’t quite make it to our top 10 list but still gets a mention. Sheesh, not even in death does this little guy get a break!

Dry Bones, albeit has been around for some time, is not important to the story in any real way. Sure, there may be one or two games that promote Dry Bones to a more “important” role, but even then: It’s merely a role. Dry Bones is never a star, but it doesn’t stop Dry Bones being absolutely adorable and when if I die, I’d like to look like Dry Bones. Although I’d like to not have the weaknesses of Dry Bones while we’re in fantasy world.

Ronan O’Connor – Murdered: Soul Suspect

Ronan

Ok, neither of us have played Soul Suspect yet, but the idea of playing a guy investigating his own murder appeals more than enough to get Ronan O’Connor onto our list. The opening scene depicts his traumatic entry into the haunted world, complete with bullet holes opening in his chest as Ronan watches his body being perforated to ensure the job is done.

I’m a fan of the noir genre, and investigation games especially (Diskworld Noir being a firm favourite of mine) so this is definitely on the to-do list. Maybe then Ronan can rest in peace on our Top Ten.

 

 


Well, that was our Top 10 dead characters in gaming. I hope you enjoyed our list as much as we enjoyed making it!

Come on you gaming veterans out there. Tell us how wrong our list is, or tell us where we’ve done good. Let us know who YOUR favourite dead characters in gaming in the comments section below. Who knows, perhaps we’ll like your suggestion so much that we include them on our list!

Top 10 Crazys in gaming

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Welcome to our next Top 10 post, where Joel and myself have gotten together to splice up a sweet little list for you all.

Today, we thought we’d think about the Top 10 Crazies in Gaming… Now, a crazy is someone who isn’t exactly all there. They might find some odd things amusing, or they might not think normally. They might like to inflict pain and suffering but most importantly: They’re crazy and you’ll know it.

So join us in our journey through the madness that is the Top 10 Crazies in Gaming!

 


 

The Top 10

10) Achenar – Myst

Achenar_Myst

One of the imprisoned sons of Atrus from the Myst series. Sirrus and Achenar carved a trail of destruction through the worlds their father created; Sirrus out of greed and self obsession, but Achenar seems only to want to destroy. Through exploration of the Ages you encounter evidence of his lunacy, an obsession with torture, animal trapping, fixation on blood and death.

Achenar’s insanity is uncovered through exploration, and by talking to his giggling face through a portal to his prison-world. He is a dangerous madman, and kicks off our list at number ten.

9) Kefka Palazzo – Final Fantasy VI

Kefka

If the picture above doesn’t symbolise just how insane Kefka is, his ever haunting laugh will certainly be testament to this jesters insanity.

Kefka cracks out with dark jokes, relishes in the pain and suffering of others and has absolutely no regard for human life. He lacks self-control and he hates everything in the world: Only enjoying death, pain and suffering.

What a psychopath!

8) Alice Liddell – American McGee’s Alice franchise

Madness_Returns_screenshot

Being treated for insanity and catatonia, Alice was beginning to lose her grip on reality. Her only possession is a stuffed white rabbit, which happens to be the creature that calls her back into the Wonderland that she used to explore so long ago.

Unfortunately for her, this Wonderland has changed thanks to her mind. With the corrupt Queen of Hearts now in control, can Alice actually battle her sanity and the Queen of Hearts in an attempt to win back the Wonderland?

Possibly, but she’ll still be in Rutledge asylum afterwards.

7) Max – Sam & Max franchise

Sam&Max

Max, the lovable little bunny to the right of the duo above us is a rather impulsive bunny. Although he is generally in control of his actions, he’s very impulsive and he’s not afraid to say and do whatever his mind tells him.

Ultimately, the better judgement always wins, however his lunacy also makes him a volatile poker player. Be warned, else you might get fleeced by the bunny with no true long-term plan.

6) Dr. N. Gin – Crash Bandicoot franchise

N Gin

Dr. N. Gin replaced Dr. N. Brio in Crash Bandicoot 2. N. Gin noticeably has a large missile protruding from his skull. That can’t be comfortable and indeed it is the cause of several of his massive migraines.

Dr. N. Gin is a genius, but having made that live nuclear missile turn into a kind of life support machine… Um, you’d better believe you need to be insane to pull off something like that! Especially when your emotions sets that thing back off!

 

5) Harley Quinn – Arkham franchise (Arkham City)

BatmanArkhamCity_(32)

Coming in at number five on our list is the Joker’s lunatic devotee! Why her and not the Joker? Because in spite of Heath Ledger’s famous “Dog chasing cars” speech, the Joker is possessed of a single minded focus. His girlfriend on the other hand is a scatter-brained, mallet-wielding anarchy machine, dangerous enough when following the directions of her precious Mr J, but without him she’s a freewheeling hate-monger.

Quinn is subject of her very own DLC in Batman Arkham City, where players can see the damage a woman scorned can do!

4) Pokey Minch – Mother franchise

Pokey Minch

From the start, Pokey is manipulative and yet he only gets his way through lying.

He lies his way to get to become the high priest of a cult (No, really…) He then lies his way to becoming a business consultant for a mayor (No… Really..!) Then he uses his accumulated wealth to buy himself a helicopter and basically dares you to follow him to what’s effectively the ultimate evil.

Throughout the game, he becomes more and more power mad, driven by his own greed and desire for power.

After all is said and done, he ends Earthbound (the 2nd game in the Mother franchise) by leaving you a message:Come and get me, loser! Spankety spankety spankety!”” What a nut-job! He only gets worse in Mother 3, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish.

 

3) Krieg – Borderlands 2

The conductor of the poop train comes in at number three. Borderlands’ “Psycho” playable character charges through the world smashing skulls and salting wounds and setting himself on fire! No really, he sets himself on fire. He has a skill tree devoted to it. And suicide as a tactical decision. Just, grenades everywhere. You can voluntarily take friendly fire just so you can suicide bomb your enemies.

Kept in check by the sane voice in his head that stops him from killing the “good guys” Krieg is one long maniacal-laugh riot!

Don’t believe how crazy Krieg is? Check out the Borderlands 2 Wiki page, which has all of his quotes. We were laughing through his quotes!

 

2) Sheogorath – The Elder Scrolls franchise

Sheogorath

The lavishly dressed Sheogorath is perhaps the epitome of a mad man. In fact, that makes sense as he is the Daedric Prince of Madness. With his trademack Wabbajack, an item that issues a random effect.

If that wasn’t bad enough, he literally lives in a place called the Shivering Isles, which is also known as “Asylum” to some people and even “the Madhouse”. People go mad there and Sheogorath dresses for the occasion to meet those who would enter his realm. He even had a whole expansion dedicated to his isles in Oblivion (and it was totally worth it!)

1) Pyro – Team Fortress 2

Happiness, loveliness, rainbows and puppies. That’s what goes through the mind of the psychopath Pyro from Valve’s Team Fortress 2. Whilst s/he is running around shooting people with what s/he believes is a pretty bubble launcher; the world around it burns.

Pyro is insane to the membrane, remember this as when you hear the sounds of fire and smell burning flesh, Pyro thinks it’s making the world a better place.

Run.

 


 

Honourable mentions

Sometimes, some crazies in gaming are worth mentioning, even though they didn’t quite make the cut to be truly considered the most insane… But hey, these guys are pretty insane in their own right, so why not kick back and rest assured that these guys aren’t real:

Trust me – It’s safer this way.

Ghetsis – Pokemon Black & White

Ghetsis

Power is something that is best left out of some peoples hands and Ghetsis is one of these people. The true brain behind Team Plasma, he led N down a wrong path. N believed everything Team Plasma were doing was for the best interests in his friends, the Pokemon, but he was wrong. Ghetsis is one of these rare geniuses who you fear, simply for knowing he’s around.

From the smart advisor for N, to the insane mastermind behind one of the most evil turns in Pokemons history, Ghetsis is to be feared… And we love to hate him for it.

 

Crazy Dave – Plants vs Zombies

Crazy Dave

He wears a cooking pot on his head. He speaks in absolute gibberish and he is basically a prophet. That’s right, you heard it here folks: Crazy Dave, the man who drools, wears a cooking pot on his head and speaks in a gibberish language is a prophet. He believed the zombies were coming – and he was right! He also sold you those damn handy plants. Just… Where did he get them from in the first place?

 


And that’s the end of our Top 10 crazies in gaming. Please be sure to stay tuned for more Top 10 posts, of which Joel and I will be working on together again.

What did you think of our modest list? Do you have some more crazies in gaming that deserve a mention? Let us know and tell us how wrong we are in the comments below, as we’d love to see what you’d suggest deserved a spot on our Top 10 crazies in gaming list.

Top 10 bears in Gaming

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Yes, it’s true. We have a bit of a soft spot for those cuddly looking maulers, bears. In gaming, they can be an intimidating force to be reckoned with… Or they can be one of gamings best running gags.

Join us as we list our personal top 10 bears in gaming.


Top 10 bears in Gaming

10. Bear Simulator

Bear Simulator

Originating from Kickstarter, Bear Simulator reached a staggering pledge of $100,571 out of a target goal of $29,500.

All of the money would go towards paying for better things, as the base of the game itself was already made. Animators, models and more would still need to be bought and made, so off to Kickstarter this bear game went.

I could BEAR-ly contain my excitement in knowing that there is a demand for being a bear.

9. Bears – World of Warcraft

With a funky dance, the bears of World of Warcraft are always memorable. From the Darkmoon Dancing Bear mount, to the Druid bear form, there are plenty of ways to make bears dance. Of course, you could be like me and approach a druid whilst wearing the Piccolo of the Flaming Fire and force them to dance.

… That didn’t sound good on my behalf, did it?

8. Kuma/Panda – Tekken

Kuma and Panda are two separate characters in the Tekken franchise. Kuma does seem to love Panda, but more importantly, they are both pets to one of the fighters in the game. Kuma is the loyal pet to Heihachi Mishima and Panda is the pet and friend of Ling Xiaoyu.

As well as having been in the Tekken franchise for some time, the cut scenes these two get are usually simply hilarious. After all, who’d expect the loyal pets to win the King of Iron Fist Tournament? Although as I always point out to my friends, why wouldn’t a bear win?

7. Takenoko

Takenoko

An incredible board game from Asmodee sees the emperor of Japan tending his bamboo garden with his pet panda gifted to him from China. Players build up the garden, grow bamboo and feed the wandering panda, trying to complete goals determined by cards in their hands. This game is incredible fun, really easy to play, and has a panda with an umbrella.

 

6. Teddy – Among the Sleep

Among The Sleep

Your companion in a big, scary world, this Teddy will be your friend.

This game really captures upon the innocence of the child protagonist and the demons the child has to face. Being the only friend the child seems to have in this dark world, Teddy is always around to help the child through the terrifyingly large world around them.

This game is riddled with symbolism in a very stunning way, so please do go and check it out.

5. Bear token cards – Magic: the Gathering

Jace Bearelen

Whilst playing a game of Magic: the Gathering with one of the GeekOut South-West social event members, I noticed he had a rather peculiar deck.

The whole deck was built around those lovely creatures that are bears. So all bears get +1/+1, all bears are vigilant, all bears are bears. Prepare yourself for the bearpocalypse! Ultimately, I can’t help but look at these token cards and smile each time.

They poke fun at their own creations and make a bear deck look truly fantastic. Magic: the Gathering is well known for its witty humour, but I think with these tokens, you’ll just have to grin and BEAR IT!

4. Owlbears – Dungeons & Dragons

This awesome Owlbear imagining by Merissi Studios
This awesome Owlbear image was imagined by MMerissi Studios

Staple hybrid monstrosity straight out of dungeons and dragons, I’ll see your hippogryph and offer you a bear with a beak and a terrifying shriek!

Based on a plastic toy Gary Gygax himself found in a shop in Hong Kong that immediately entered his new game, the owlbear has not only been in the first monster manual of every edition, but it was also listed as the second best D&D monster of all time, knocked off the top spot by a giant cube of jelly. It’s also spread across dozens of other games in various forms.

Also its’ bear hugs end in a pointy beak!

3. Monzaemon – Digimon

Monzaemon

A puppet Digimon who makes people around him feel happy with his cute body (and scary eyes).

Monzaemon interestingly is named after the famous puppeteer, Chikamatsu Monzaemon. He is an Ultimate digimon and is exceptionally powerful. Whenever I played Digimon World as a kid, I used to always want to get my hands on Monzaemon as soon as possible, as he was able to do just about anything! After a certain point in the game, he arguably becomes one of the easiest to obtain ultimate Digimon, too.

He has also been around since the very beginning of Digimon and has also been named “Teddymon”. Basically, I really like Teddymon Monzaemon!

2. Dovahbear – Skyrim

Originally an animation by YouTuber Bows, Dovahbear has actually become a playable mod in Skyrim. Allowing you to have your very own Dovahbear companion, who acts just like a companion and a bear, as well as having the shouts of the Dovahkiin.

Dovahbear Fus-Ro-Dahs his way to our second slot on this list, as he started life as a series of animations and then he was created… And you wouldn’t be playing Skyrim to its maximum potential if you weren’t playing with your very own Dovahbear companion.

 

1. Enviro-Bear 2000

Easily taking the number 1 spot of our Top 10 bears in Gaming, it’s Enviro-Bear 2000.

This is a game where you drive in a car as a bear. You need to collect some berries and fish before quickly going to hibernate. The climate is getting colder so it’s your job to gather and eat as much as possible whilst wasting as little energy as possible. So the bear found himself a car and decided to drive around the forest to gather and eat as much stuff as he can.

There are plenty of YouTube videos for Enviro-Bear 2000, but please, check out the above one by Markiplier just to see what Enviro-Bear is all about.

 


 

Honourable mentions

We have two picks that are our honourable mentions for the top 10 bears in gaming. They didn’t quite make the cut for the top 10, but only BEAR-ly.

Ursaring – Pokemon

Ursaring

We wanted to like Ursaring more than we did, but we had to mention him somewhere on this list!

We felt he deserved to be mentioned as let’s be honest, he looks like an absolute beast of a Pokemon. He has a great attack base stat at 130, which in Pokemon is really high! One of my personal favourite Pokemon, Haxorus, which has one of the highest attack stats in the game has 147 attack. So, for a much easier to get pokemon that’s a pure normal type (Immune to ghost moves) and loses that new found weakness to Fairy types, Ursaring is the beast for you!

Plus he looks cuddly.

Sir Bearington

Sir Bearington

Sir Bearington is one of these stories in RPG that quickly became a legend.

Originally just Bearington, a bear rogue with all of his points in deception and a butler who could understand bear, Bearington was knighted to become Sir Bearington! Now Sir Bearington is on top of the world, with people doing his bidding.

This story has been retold amongst tabletop enthusiasts for many a year, but each time I always come back to this quote:

“Mr. Bearington is a pillar of our community and he will not suffer the slander and mudslinging of a nincompoop! Methinks, if you cannot handle your wine you should not partake! Guards, remove this man from the grounds!”

 


I’m terribly sorry if you felt this post was a little… Un-BEAR-able. But don’t worry, there will be more articles like this in the future. I’d like to thank Joel for his help on this article, as he chose our number 4 slot – Owlbears and our number 7 slot – Takenoko.

Do you think we missed any really awesome bears in gaming out? Do you like or dislike some of our choices? Why not let us know in the comments below? We’d love to hear from you!