Top 10 Worthless NPCs

This week, Timlah and Joel are joined by Phil from 1001-Up. They figured that this week, they wanted to have a rant about their top 10 most worthless NPCs in gaming… But who made the abysmal cut?


Have you ever sat through a game and you just happened to come across what you feel is the most worthless NPC of all time? I mean it’s not to say they have no purpose, nor are they useless, but they’re just absolutely worthless.

I mean do you even know his or her name? Is it a damn dog? What’s the point of it!? Just to cause us endless frustration, or just to be there? This week in our Top 10, we’re joined by Phil from 1001-Up as we run through our Top 10 Worthless NPCs in gaming.

Top 10

10. Mankrik’s Wife – World of Warcraft


You are sent on a quest to go and find Mankrik’s wife. This is a simple quest and of course you’re emotionally invested in this quest because this is someone’s loved one. Horde or Alliance, it doesn’t matter: Love is love. This quest is exclusively for Horde who adventure around The Barrens area, also infamous for Barrens chat… But that’s a story for another day.

No, instead you’re sent to find someone’s loved one and… Oh. She’s already dead. What was her name? Oh yeah, Mankrik’s Wife.


9.  – Milla Vodello and Sasha Nein – Psychonauts

Spoiler Warning
This pair of elite-Psychonauts are highly trained field operatives with highly disciplined minds that are capable of constructing elaborate and carefully controlled training grounds for powerful young minds to be educated in. And even though the same can be said of the game’s antagonist, Morceau Oleander, you’d think his villainy would have come to light when put under a little scrutiny. KIDS WERE BEING LOBOTOMISED! NOBODY THOUGHT “Hey, there are a lot of very powerful psychics here, let’s check them out quickly, just in case.”

Milla and Sasha have a small degree of input early in the game before vanishing off on a distraction while Oleander’s dastardly scheme unfolds, only to be thwarted by the protagonist, Raz. Great game, but really guys? So many kids nearly died because you were just a little too caught up in “That thing over there….”

8. Pedestrians – Grand Theft Auto


If you forced me to come up with a reason why Grand Theft Auto pedestrians were worth anything it would be to gain wanted stars. They do have their entertainment value with their crazy catchphrases and peculiar habits but other than that they only serve to ruin your success on a job by orbiting your vehicle on a suicide mission. In more recent versions of the Grand Theft Auto series they now have the ability to call the police if they spot the player getting up to no good which simply wastes everybody’s time by having to run them over.

7. Treavor Pendleton – Dishonored


What to say on the subject of Treavor Pendleton? Well let’s start with the fact that he’s so damn memorable I had to google him to remember exactly who he was. The entirety of his story input was to ask Corvo (the main character) to kill his brothers, and then to stand around getting drunk. Just constantly swilling whiskey and wandering around moping.

Correction, he does do something else. He functions as a sounding board for other NPCs to talk to about things you need to hear (or overhear). Without him there they’d have very few choices, and Trev just loves to talk. He loves to talk to you… even when you’re clearly trying to get past him.

6. Old Man – Pokemon Red/Blue

Now we are just wrong to include this old man, we hear you say. He teaches you about catching Pokemon as well as helping you unlock the secret glitches of the game. How could anyone possibly call him worthless?!

Because he spends ages at the beginning of the game begging to have coffee, before he will let you pass (with no rhyme or reason!) He then not only lets you pass after a certain point in the game, he teaches you how to catch Pokemon. Meanwhile, you’re sat there with a full party of 6 Pokemon in your bag. Um, Old Man, are you feeling okay? Well let me go and fly to Cinnabar Island now to get away from you… Oh gosh what have you done to my game!?

5. Black Mesa Scientists – Half Life


The overwhelming majority of population in the Black Mesa facility were scientists and until the fatal day of the resonance cascade arrived. Until this point they were extremely worthwhile NPCs carrying out their daily research activities for the greater good. Once hell literally broke loose their worth plummeted to zero, just like their health levels, as they became headcrab fodder.

Sure, there may have been one or two that helped open doors but even if they were dead Gordon would only need to drag their corpses over to the eye scanner to continue serving their purpose.

4. Error – The Legend of Zelda II

He is Error.

Thanks, Error. Just thanks. Nothing else to add? I mean is your name symbolic of who you are? An error within the game? Error!? Want to add something to the mix?!

Yes, he’s in arguably one of the most frustrating video games of all time and he just has to tell you that he is Error. What a worthless NPC.

3. Dog – Duck Hunt


Do I even have to say anything? Look at that stupid grin! How many of you tried to shoot the dog? I know it’s a terrible thing to do and you shouldn’t want to shoot a dog, but dammit that thing is so smug! He contributes nothing to the game except to bounce around snatching up your ducks! And laughing when you fail.

If the dog serves any purpose, it is to be hated and to make Duck Hunt famous because people are talking… about… the dog…


2.Adoring Fan – Oblivion

This fan is so useless that he serves two major functions: Follow. Wait. That’s basically it. True to an adoring fan though, he offers useless quibble in the form of offering back-rubs, boot polishing and more.

Add to this the Adoring Fans horrible sense of hair fashion and that he doesn’t even give your character said back rubs or boot polishes… Adoring Fan, you are worthless. Time to hit you off the highest cliff in Oblivion.

… Stop running back up the hill when I hit you off.

1. Butler – Tomb Raider

Also known as Winston Smith, Lara’s butler is painfully remembered by Tomb Raider fans as not only being utterly worthless in-game but also a complete pain in the backside as he stalked our favourite Tomb Raider around the house. Most players will remember the feeling of dread as he slowly hunts Lara while groaning about his backache and his rattling tea tray, some zombie games could learn a lot of from the Croft Manor level in Tomb Raider II.

If you ever mention Lara’s butler to a Tomb Raider fan they will immediately tell you stories about how they locked him in the freezer not for fun but just to get rid of him – if that’s not the definition of the most worthless NPC ever then I don’t know what is.

Honourable mentions

These next two deserved to be noticed for their worthless endeavours. They don’t quite make the cut for our Top 10, but let’s be honest: It doesn’t make it any better that they have been recognised as worthless in some way, shape or form!

Trader – Killing Floor


You would think that having a trader in the game wouldn’t ever really make a Top 10 most Worthless NPCs list… but think about this from the point of view of a frustrated zombie killer such as Kevo the Chav.

This trader makes snarky remarks about people not being Frank Bruno if they can’t carry something. She laughs at players pitiful attempts to buy zombie killing devices from her if they’re too poor. She doesn’t stay in one location. She has a plethora of weapons and just keeps herself locked away so no zombies can get to her. She could literally just give all of the guys and girls a weapon to stop the zeds and still have enough weapons to sell afterwards.

Announcers – Every game that has announcers

Seriously, Unreal Tournament is super memorable because of its high-paced action and it’s awesomely voice-acted announcers. However, this doesn’t make them worth a damn penny. They’re just there. But at least they make themselves known with their constantly expressive voices. M-M-M-M-MONSTER KILL.

Oh but what about the Administrator in Team Fortress 2? Effectively worthless. She gives you sass and snark like there’s no tomorrow.

Don’t even get me started with you three, JBL, Michael Cole and Jerry “the King” Lawler!

But the games are made better with your presence, announcers. You’re worthless, but you’re our favourite kind of worthless: the worthless that adds feeling. Keep it worthless, voices!

That’s all for our Top 10 today. If you have any suggestions for a future Top 10, then do let us know as we are all ears. Also, if you want to get involved, just let us know! We’d love to have more guests such as Phil today.

What did you think of our decision of our Top 10 Worthless NPCs in gaming? We figured these ones were pretty worthless, but I bet you all know one that deserves at least a mention. Did we get our order around the right direction? Let us know in the comments below!

Gamer Highlight – Kim from 1001-Up

In gamer highlight I have been interviewing gamers from all fields of experience, behind a controller, at the table and in the field. We are as diverse as any group of hobbyists, many varied attitudes and perspectives depending on how we were introduced to games, and the games we play.

This is the last interview (for now). This week, Kim from joins us to share her perspective, her history, and the reasons for her starting the blogging group with Phil, and everyone else. Continue reading “Gamer Highlight – Kim from 1001-Up”

Gamer Highlight – Phil, from 1001-Up

In Gamer Highlight, I’ve been interviewing gamers from all fields of experience. As I close off the series to pick up DMing 101 again,  I turn to people who are so very proud of their hobby that they have taken to the internet to share their views: our friends over at 1001-Up! They’ve spoken on individual games, and specific matters, but it’s about time to turn the spotlight on their attitudes, their history, and how gaming has changed their lives.

First on the chopping block, Phil! I first met Phil at Kitacon in March this year for a game of Cards Against Humanity, that’s a hell of a way to introduce yourself to someone. He’s one of 1001-Up’s founding members and one of their most popular writers. Continue reading “Gamer Highlight – Phil, from 1001-Up”

DMing 101 – The Campaign pt 1

Over the last 7 weeks I have given you some simple advice on how to build basic aspects of a tabletop role-play. Much of it has boiled down to the same thing; keep it simple, and take notes. Well now I’ll be practicing what I preach! I asked you for a few basic starting points for a game, a genre, and a few characters to throw into it. Here is the premise that you gave me: Continue reading “DMing 101 – The Campaign pt 1”

GeekOut South-West Social 13/06/2014

Ooh yes, welcome once again everyone, it appears that we’ll be doing another GeekOut South-West pub meet this Friday the 13th!

So I thought I’d go over a quick bit of history before we continue with this post!

The first GeekOut South-West event was held back in October 2013 and it consisted of me and one other. We stuck at it and we met some fellow geeks on our night out. It wasn’t a big deal, we weren’t disheartened and the next event we had a group of about 6-7. Not bad!

We then joined Meetup around January and boy, has the social group grown?

We’ve come from just the few of us to a group of over 60 social geeks in a few months.

GeekOut Sam

This silly little image was put together to represent what we wanted: We wanted you to come and GeekOut. We’ve met so many people on the journey of this group and now I’m actually going to be investing in a proper camera. How exciting!

Meeting 1001-Up

The events lack pictures here on the GeekOut South-West blog, so this time around, I’ll make sure we get plenty of snaps taken! My phone isn’t known for its picture quality as has been evidenced previously on this website.

Poor quality photo, awesome quality people (Thanks to Kim and Phil of 1001-Up)
Poor quality photo, hottest quality people (Thanks to Kim and Phil of 1001-Up and our dear friend: Slenderman!)

After I met Kim and Phil at Kitacon (Well, technically, I dragged them as they were willing to be dragged to Kitacon), we got chatting and I joined in with 1001-Up. You should definitely check them out as that website rocks. I love writing with such an awesome team and I am learning to curb my enthusiasm for commas. Overuse of commas can be the root of all evil, just ask Kim!

But then GeekOut South-West took another turn! We needed another writer here on GeekOut South-West! We needed someone who shared the vision of branching our geekdoms out to more people and stop the segregation of geekdoms.

Introducing Joel

That's him, the tall chap!
That’s him, the tall chap! That’s me, the small chap! We are both in black and red. The colour scheme of this site is… Black and red (and grey). It was fate!

So I had known Joel ever since Ayacon Apocalypse 2013, which as some of you will be aware is the only reason GeekOut South-West exists.

We had been in regular contact ever since and we had formed a friendship mostly around the same ideas. I had been a fan of his website Quotes from the Tabletop since the day I met him, so I wanted to help him out a bit.

GeekOut took off in a lovely way and as such, I sheepishly approached him with a line of dialogue not unlike the following:

Timlah: “Well Joel… I know this is crazy and all, I mean you know if you’d like a chance to, I’d love to have you blog over on –“



So okay, the conversation went nothing like that, but we’ve been enjoying some thoroughly high quality posts courtesy of Joel here on GeekOut South-West. We’ve both taken up tasks of having “series”… And now Joel is working on another little project for us awesome people here at GeekOut South-West.

Thank you for joining us, buddy! Everyone check out the DMing 101 series!

If you’re going to ALCon this year, why not come say hello to me down there and Joel too? We’d love to meet you and hey, perhaps you could have a face to face interview with us? :D

In the mean time, to keep you pre-occupied here on GeekOut South-West, why not check out as well as Joels amazing DMing 101 series, my Kickstarter Highlight and Cosplayer Highlight posts?

Back to the social event

This coming social event will be held at The Bag Of Nails, which is a really small but really awesome little pub. The owner lets his cats wander around the pub which is simply adorable and there are board games galore behind the bar.

We will start at The Bag Of Nails, from 7pm.

If/once it gets too crowded in there for us lot, we’ll head down to our usual: The King William Ale House. Because why not?

Are you in Bristol or nearby and can make it this Friday for this event? Excellent! Click the Meetup button below!

Click here for the Meetup page!


Well, I thought today I’d at least update people about some of the history of GeekOut South-West as well as briefly discuss the future. We’ll be doing more and more here on the GeekOut South-West blog… So stay tuned and thanks for sticking with us so far!

Simply put: You guys rock!

Meetup at The Bag of Nails pub

Good evening all.

The next GeekOut South-West social is almost here!!

If you’re in Bristol or in the surrounding areas tomorrow, Friday 18th, at 7pm (official start time) – Then come swing by The Bag of Nails pub! We’ve got a large gathering snapped up from Meetup and we’ve got a good number of people who aren’t on the Meetup joining us, too.

Want to see what we’re on about? Well, just come on by. There’s no set agenda. No need for name tags. Just look for the guy wearing his Edward Elric cloak, white gloves and a hat.

That cloak!
That cloak!

We’ll be easy to find, with the Meetup logo printed and ready to go, too. I’ve added a few geeky additions to our adorable sign! I’ll even give it a name one day. Signy. What an inventive name for a sign.

I am becoming rather eccentric these days. I’d be scared if someone ever thought I wasn’t eccentric, to be fair with you all.


Let’s geek proudly and visibly, let’s talk geek in a pub!

GeekOut South-West @ The Bag of Nails (141 St George’s Rd, Hotwells, Bristol BS1 5UW)
5pm “pre-GeekOut” time. 7pm official start time!

Please note, there is a chance we might be a bit too big this time around for the venue. If that’s the case, keep an eye on Twitter (Or the Twitter feed on this website) – And on the Meetup page. I will try to keep it all updated so that people know where we are at what time. We don’t want to disappoint anyone!

Other things you can do tomorrow

You can absolutely join in the 1001-Up Twitch stream tomorrow! Come meet the 1001-Up crew, come play a game with us but be forewarned: It’s not for the easily offended. We’re going to play an online game of Cards Against Humanity. If you join us, we will pull no punches. We will only do what the cards tell us! Cards Against Humanity starts at 2pm!

If you can’t make any of these events but just want to chat – Throw us a comment on this post! Or drop me an e-mail at I’d love to hear from you!

There will still be a post on this blog tomorrow, however please note, I will raise the contents in this post again tomorrow on top of my scheduled post.

Next Cosplay Projects

So, I thought today, I’d share with you what my next project(s) are for cosplaying! Oh yes, I don’t have just one, this time around.

With Kitacon over and the “Con Blues” being over (That’s when you get home and realise that you’re back to the realm of normality), I decided to get more involved with my craft of Cosplay. So, last week, I took to the shops and got myself… PVA glue?


Costume 1 – Link

Horray, a character that everyone would recognise! So, here we go, this is the reference I am basing most of my research on.

Wait, what happened to you Link!?
Wait, what happened to you Link!?

No, this is not a joke. For my next costume, I am planning on going as a variant of Link; Deku Link. Now, a very quick bit of background about this character!

Deku Link is only seen in one game, which is The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. Now, Majora’s Mask, I would say is one of the darker Legend of Zelda games. In fact, it’s pretty bleak! It’s filled with doom! When suddenly:

You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?

Oh gosh, the Happy Mask Salesman. I hope someone will cosplay you and join me in a convention!

Of course, this is also the same Legend of Zelda game with -the moon-.

ARGH! What a pretty face! I’m in love.


Costume 2 – Oscar Kass

During Kitacon, me and some of the others decided: Perhaps we should do a group cosplay. We’ve got 3 of our characters sorted. I get to be Oscar Kass from the lovely figurine game: Krosmaster Arena.

Seriously, isn’t this the most adorable figurine ever?

So, I intend to eventually get myself a proper set of Krosmaster Arena. Instead, I’ve opted to play through the online version! Hey, are you interested in having a game with a complete noob at this? Go ahead and give me a message in the comments below. I’d love to play with one of you!

So, I thought Oscar Kass was just adorable, thus I decided he’ll be the second of my costumes. Heck, 2 of the group we’ve formed decided they wanted to do Krosmaster Arena, so I didn’t feel mean enough to say “NO!”

I don’t know much about Oscar Kass, but I’ll be learning more about him over time so I can do a good cosplay of him. Yes, the personality of a character really does make a difference in how you make your costumes.


Costume 3 – Felix

What!? No! Not the cat!

Golden Suns Felix, the Venus adept!
Golden Suns Felix, the Venus adept!

Yes, Felix from the Golden Sun franchise. Felix is awesome.

The best thing about the Golden Sun franchise was whenever you updated your armour, the game would recognise it. Your powers changed depending on the Djinn you had ready and even your class. The game was very dynamic and impressive. You play as Felix in Golden Sun: The Lost Age, which was my favourite of the Golden Sun games.

If you’ve never played this series, I’d recommend you do so if you are a fan of RPGs. The game is an absolute treat!

After Mt. Aleph erupts and a boulder comes tumbling down to the town of Vale, Felix falls into the river. The boulder crashes down through the town and it causes Felix to be swept away by the river. Without going into too much detail, he then finds out what he must do and sides with the antagonists of the game. Dun, dun, dun!

A silent protagonist (Didn’t I just say he sided with the antagonists?) who uses the powers of Venus against his opponents. A brute-like style of damage.



So, I’m hoping to attend a convention and an expo in September! That’ll be one busy month, but I’ve not yet finalised with my group whether or not they want to do the convention together. The expo I am interested in is the Eurogamer Expo in London, hopefully joining the team over at 1001-Up! (Did you know I am do some writing for them? If you’re reading this: Hi guys!)

I’ll not yet give details of the convention, however I will say that I should have information if I will be attending these events soon.

How will these costumes be made?

  • Deku Link

    Deku Link will be, in my opinion, one of my easiest costumes! How crazy is that?

    I will be using Papier Mache to make the head, which will basically be a whole head. I’ve also decided, after attending an awesome panel at Kitacon, that I will attempt some electronics within this costume, to try and make the eyes glow. I’ve gotten some orange perspex plastic for the eyes, 500 orange LEDs, some battery packs, some wire, resistors, my soldering kit – and much more stuff.

    The material for the clothing is simple: I’ll just be sewing together a green “Tunic” – Well, basically I’ll be wearing a skirt… … … What?

    For the hat, that too is quite simple, but I’m considering having the hat stuffed so that it won’t just lose shape. I’m also going to sew some yellow “hair” (This I haven’t sussed yet! Maybe felt? Maybe actual hair?) to the head, so that the whole piece is together. I need to get myself a 2 foot balloon to start working on this head, however. That’s my next step!

    Don’t believe me that Papier Mache can hold true for the head? Check this out! Papier Mache is awesome.

    The gauntlets I am thinking of making out of epoxy putty, though I’m going to do a lot more research on this subject before I dive in to this! Epoxy Putty hardens up with heat and is quite a lot like worbla in that respect. I’m hoping for this costume, the epoxy resin will be a better choice than Worbla, although I know I could use Worbla if it comes to it. I was thinking of making the boots as a cover rather than actually as boots. I will get some older boots and just create this large padding around the surface, before putting plastics or something shiny over it. I’ll be researching this more as time continues.

    Finally, the body itself will be a brown Morphsuit.

    I have to say – Thanks to the Slenderman cosplayer (Sam) we saw at Kitacon on Sunday afternoon for the idea!
  • Oscar Kass

    So, the head of Oscar Kass will basically be done as a mask. A simple papier mache mask… (Oh, not again!) Me an my papier mache, I want to see if I can make this stuff as durable as I need to. I hope I can.

    The clothing, however, will simply be a blue dressing gown. I will need to also make a brown belt with a lovely little skull belt buckler. This might be where Worbla will shine through, but that’s still undecided. Worbla, I noticed, is incredibly stiff after it has hardened up. Moving my arm in the Edward Elric arm I had made wasn’t easy.

    The blade will likely be a thermoplastic of some kind, or I could make it out of cardboard then put plastics around it. The hands and feet will likely be bare hands and feet (Or wearing sandals that don’t look like much for the feet. I heard there are some “invisible sandals”? I’ll have to investigate this!

    Although how could I find that? That’s like searching for Carmen Sandiego (Hi, American viewers!)


I’ll admit, I’ve not yet looked into the Felix cosplay as that was the most recent idea. Have you got any thoughts on how I should or could do the Felix cosplay?

Well, that’s me done sharing my cosplay ideas for now. So, it’s quite exciting. Next month, I will be going to Bristol Comic Expo. I kind of hope I have the Deku Link costume done in time. I think it’ll potentially be a costume I reuse, many times. We’ll see, though. I might need to start making more space for my cosplays. Perhaps it’s time to clean out my room with all the junk that’s in there and start replacing it with costume pieces. Hopefully, they’ll keep well.

Do you have any ideas for cosplays that you just want to share with the world? Great! Share them here with us and if you’re looking for advice, why not ask us? I’m sure someone would help out!