A more personal list than usual, this week, we’re celebrating the levels we love the most. The memorable moments, the challenging puzzles, the clever design, the beauty and drama. These are the moments in games that stuck with us the most. Maybe they’re not the best of all time, but we’re not historians, we’re here to share our love for the Top 10 of our favourite levels.
Let me pick up from where I started last march by saying that a palette swapped creature in a game needn’t simply be a conservation of resources, and can be representative of something notably different or important, something made distinct by a change of colour.
For example, revisiting The Fallen from Diablo: (more…)
Black Friday celebrates the end of the Great Depression in the 1930’s, an American holiday that – like so much of America’s culture – has made it’s way to the UK because of how staggeringly profitable it is, but I’ll come down from my political high horse before I get the urge to ride into the sunset yelling Viva la Revolucion!
Alongside some pretty huge deals on great titles, Steam are also running their own award ceremony as voted for by the gamers. So while you pick up a stack of games for a fiver, take some time to nominate some of your favourite titles and get another pointless badge for doing so. Why not? It’s nice to give back occasionally. Here’s my picks for the categories: (more…)
Level design is never an easy job, especially when you have to manage a large variety of levels and worlds. However some levels are so dreadful, that even years on, we as gamers raise our arms in frustration and say “Ah, sod this!” With all this said though, we’re not on about levels that are poorly made per se, but just levels that are genuinely bad to us.
So whether the level is downright frustrating because of how hard it is, or if the level is simply terribly designed, we’ve got you covered in this Top 10. Now it’s time for us to exit stage left and check out our best of worst levels!
10. IntelliLock – Mystery of Time and Space (MOTAS)
Ah the Intellilock, a lock that was designed to be incredibly intelligent, or so you would think. Actually, this lock is pretty smart in that it puts you through a rigorous game of “hey, press the right button!” There’s a lot of buttons you can press and when you press the right one, they all change to become another puzzle in amidst the already annoying puzzles. One moment, you could be looking at crosshairs, the next you could be given a simple number puzzle.
The issue with Intellilock isn’t that it’s a bad lock per se, or even that the level around it is bad. Instead, it makes you seriously think and it slows down your whole gameplay through Mystery of Time and Space. MOTAS as it’s affectionately known, is a flash game which you can play absolutely for free (just click this link). It’s really good fun, but when you come to the Intellilock screen, be sure to have a good memory or a strong logical brain!
9. Shalebridge Cradle – Thief: Deadly Shadows
This is a bit of an awkward one, and would have been placed far higher in the list if it weren’t also one of the best levels in Deadly Shadows. Throughout the game so far you’ve possibly walked the City streets merrily koshing or stabbing your way through a world that’s all too easily unburdened of life and valuables, and extinguishing every light that would reveal your presence, and a few you probably didn’t need to.
Welcome to the Cradle, half orphanage, half insane asylum, leave everything you’ve learned at the door. None of the lights can be extinguished, space is limited, and every occupant died a long time ago, but that hasn’t stopped them shambling the halls. If you’ve grown comfortable playing the master thief Garrett, be prepared to be made most uncomfortable, and otherwise freaked out, unnerved and generally annoyed. You’ll hate it, but it’ll make you want more.
8. Caustic Caverns – Borderlands 2
Good idea to replace all the water with acid, adds an element of risk, especially if you have to cross said acid a few times to get to essential locations. But jumping isn’t difficult in Borderlands, better make the acid bubble and splash so that it’s harder to dodge, OH and maybe if you put treasure and things in places you can only reach by jumping into said bubbles just as they burst! That’ll be great.
What else? What else? What if this is filled with creatures that can throw you great distances into the acid, or things that fly so you can’t look at where you’re going, or creatures that spend half the fight underground?! That’s sounds like a lot of FUN! PEOPLE WILL HAVE FUN! And now that we’re all having fun, let’s have a lot of quests in there, a lot more than any of the other dungeons in the whole game! Or at least let’s make it feel that way.
7. Kaizo Mario World
Kaizo Mario World is a trial-and-error game or “rage game”, I.E a game just like I Wanna Be The Guy. It’s a game where you might jump over a pit which would be an insta-kill, just to have a bullet bill fly at you JUST as you jump. Of course, this would go and kill you anyway. It’s the type of game that was made to intentionally annoy the hell out of you – and it’s pretty brilliant at it.
I’ve seen people die whilst just walking in that game. I’ve seen people die by being inactive. I’ve seen deaths by star blocks, deaths by chomps and deaths by goombas… Who appear out of nowhere! Kaizo Mario World is the ultimate test of patience. It’s not really a bad game at all, it’s rather clever in fact. But it’s such a bad idea for how a level works, that it deserved a mention. Please note: Kaizo is actually a fan based ROM Hack, so if you don’t own the official game, you’re not likely going to be able to play this legally! Still, it’s highly amusing to have a look at people dying pretty regularly on it!
6. Test Chamber 18 – Portal
One of the final phases of preliminary testing of the Aperture Handheld Portal Device, subjects are required to traverse elaborate corridor networks, and resolve a rather awkward puzzle in order to complete the chamber.
Test Chamber 18 is a bit of a doozy, and is often referred to as one of the hardest puzzles in the game, more than a few people were trapped in the little chamber for a very long time. The turrets add very little complexity, as they’re easily dispatched, but the solution is not all that obvious, and being trapped in that side room by a sliding panel, and some parts requiring rather narrow timing add little stressors that make the puzzle just a little harder.
The exit is a series of tall platforms reached by hurling oneself higher and higher, tempering your relief at completing the chamber with a little vertigo and nausea. Not to worry, there’s time enough to settle your stomach before the cake.
5. Safari Zone – Pokémon Red/Blue
Games seem to really love completely removing their own fundamental mechanics occasionally just to screw us over. The Safari Zone is just a prime example of exactly how gleefully the modern masters like to upset their fans. The whole point of pokémon is to pitch your pokémon against another pokémon and slug it out through means of tactical application of their various powers or abilities to whittle the opponent down far enough to defeat or capture it. The system works, and it would certainly be a great deal harder if you were just throwing rocks at your opponent, or if they could just run off whenever they liked.
Welcome to the Safari Zone, where your pokémon are removed from you and you have a limited time to throw rocks and/or bait at a kangaskhan until it either wanders off or actually stays in the damn Safari Ball. Oh, and your supposed to figure out that there’s a particular method when you’re 10 and don’t have a clue about strategy and just blast everything with hyperbeam until your PP runs out? Yet more proof that children should never be permitted to play children’s games.
4. Robot Masters before Dr. Wily – Mega Man games
The Robot Masters are the big baddies of the Mega Man series. Mega Man 2 is my all time favourite Mega Man, probably along with many other people. I’d always fight Metal Man first, then I’d take on Wood Man. Next I’d kill Bubble Man, followed by Air Man, then Flash Man. Crash Man is next, Quick Man and finally Er… Zippo Man. Heat Man, that’s his name! Then once you defeat all of the Robot Masters and take their powers, you can go to the middle section, which is Wily’s castle. Defeat the enemies before the big skull part and boom! It’s time to fight Wily.
Actually, no it’s not. Instead, you just find 8 doors that you can step through. Each of these doors have lights above them, indicating that they’re currently still active. All you have to do is go in and de-activate all of them. How hard can this be? Well, it can be incredibly hard if you’re only getting by with the skin of your teeth. You have to now fight all 8 of the Robot Masters all over again… And guess what? You don’t heal all of your health between fights either. Good luck, Mega, you’re going to need it!
3. Biker Tunnel – Battletoads
Have you played Battletoads? If you have and you’ve played this game with a friend, you know that most of this game is one massive mess. It’s a great mess, a glorious one at that. People only really took it seriously after it became subject to a bit of an internet meme targeting shops like Gamestop for a pre-order of Battle-Toads for the Nintendo Wii. All thanks to the above video: isn’t the internet an awesome place?
Nevertheless, it let people see the insanity that was Battletoads, inciting many people to then actually get frustrated with the games absurdly high difficulty. One moment, you’re playing a typical beat em up, with massive boots to kick the butts of your enemies. The next moment, you would be driving along a tunnel on a bike, with obstacles coming into contact with you every second. Don’t worry; that’s not all you have to contend with. Ramps are the only things that will save you from falling into the massive pits and you even have to hit those at the right speeds, else you’ll just lose. The Battletoads really had all odds stacked against them!
2. Water Temple – Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
If you thought the Water Temple wasn’t going to make our list, then you were only fooling yourselves. Yes, the Water Temple clocks in at a whopping number two on our list, which is totally understandable, considering the infamous nature of this level. People go so far as to call levels “the Water Temple of this game” when referring to the worst levels of whatever game they’re playing. At least, I’ve certainly referred to levels in such a way.
Regardless, the Water Levels is interesting in that it has 5 layers, which sees you navigating all 5 layers just to get through it. If it were just a case of having to do each layer, that’d not be so bad, but you need to go back and forth between the layers just to progress. You know something’s up when they admitted they made it easier during the remake for the game on the 3DS, because they felt guilty for how hard this level was. Traps, layers, puzzles – It threw everything it had at you and only the patient would survive.
1. Rainbow Road – Mario Kart
Wait a minute, before we continue, how come we’ve got a second Mario item in the Top 10? Aren’t we only supposed to have 1 entry from each franchise? You’re absolutely correct, it’s one entry from each franchise. However, Kaizo Mario World is a fan-made ROM Hack, which does not count as part of a franchise. With this out of the way with, let me now explain why Rainbow Road not only makes it into the Top 10, but why it’s our number one pick.
Rainbow Road is infamous amongst people who have played through Mario Kart, in any of it’s various iterations. When you start playing Mario Kart, you get frustrated by the players who are throwing those red shells at you and the people who leave banana’s behind. You get frustrated that people are better at drifting than you are and you want to just give everybody the Luigi Death Glare whenever they try to pass you and you hit them with a shell.
Rainbow Road stops everyone dead in their tracks, because now instead of contending with other contenders, you’re fighting with the game itself. You now need to try to get this road, this wavy, moving, wiggling road, to treat you a little bit better. In the Wii version, for instance, the Rainbow Road has the occasional ripple in the ground, allowing you to gain speed for making a jump off the ground itself… But that doesn’t always help, as it can throw you full speed off one of the many curved sides of the road. There are no railings to save you in this exceedingly long level! It’s a nightmare to navigate and the colours can be highly disorientating.
There are so many levels out there, but to call them all the worst would be a massive overstatement. However, we thought we’d show off two more levels that at least deserves a mention; One isn’t even really a proper level!
Tomb of Horrors – Dungeons & Dragons
Omitted by a small technicality, the Tomb of Horrors is a module for D&D that is used by DMs when they are sick to death of their group, it’s veritably infamous for how cruelly it tortures those adventurers foolish enough to try its entrances. Sudden death is abundant, puzzles are difficult, and non-lethal penalties are dramatic to say the least. The place is the current final resting place of the demi-lich Acererak, and is a death trap riddled with hazards, monsters and deceptions of a most sadistic nature.
Expect loss of limbs, change of gender, altered philosophical views, and the very real possibility of just starving to death. Being a challenge for medium-high level characters, most of these penalties would be a mere setback, even death would be a revolving door. Would be! But the necromancer Acererak isn’t so polite as to let you die like normal, death is an absolute, no coming back from this one.
Kill Screen – Pac-Man
So we all know and love Pac-Man and I’ve mentioned this highly broken screen many times before on this website, however it’s interesting to note that this is technically a playable level, even though it isn’t really a proper one. What I mean by it not being a proper level, is that this level isn’t supposed to be like this, but it’s just a memory issue with the game, where it doesn’t know what you want to do with all of the fruit ever.
Rotten fruit aside, the Kill Screen is infamous in Pac-Man. Having supposedly been beaten only once before, which is seemingly unverified, the Kill Screen is basically the end of the line for the most hardcore Pac-Man players. Some modern versions of the game include it just as an Easter Egg to those who figure it out and get that far. On the plus side, at least the screen is visually different than the 255 maps that preceded it!
I’ve had enough of going through dungeons and caverns filled to the brim with krakens, because how many of these guys can fit into such a small space? Not to mention that there are fire monsters inside of this water cave, how did this even make it past play-testing!? Nevertheless, we’re done for this week’s list and now it’s once again over to you, our audience, to decide what we do for our next list.
Did we mention those levels that were so dastardly to you? What about the order in which we ranked these worst levels? Do you think we unfairly put any of them in, or do you think we were justified in our reasons? Did we miss any out?! As always, life isn’t fair, but you can help us make it right by telling us your personal worst levels in the comments below, or over on Facebook, Twitter and Reddit. Help us check through these games for the future of mankind’s sake: We’ve had enough of these worst levels!
So here’s our last words on Kitacon 2015: Back to the Kitacon. A few pieces of news, some information that might be of interest to those who either weren’t there or missed bits. I’ll also go over some of my favourite moments in better detail because as you may have noticed, they were a bit rushed throughout the weekend.
Bear in mind too, that Kita is a convention for 18s and over, so parts of this article will be a little NSFW. And that’s where we’re going to start… (more…)
You tied the vote, so we carried the swing of the decision! So I guess you can blame us for the fact that you’re stood on the kitchen table, taping your trouser legs closed to make sure these ratty devils don’t get up there and bite somewhere essential.
Welcome you poor nervous fools to our Top 10 rodents in the world of games. We have adopted our standard method of arguing until our fingers hurt (because we talk on Steam) about whether or not a rabbit is a rodent (turns out it’s not, damn you overly specific zoologists!) and whether Pikachu or Rattata deserves their place here or not. Guess you’re going to have to scroll for that one. (more…)
We’re all familiar with the man in the big red suit who comes down our chimneys baring gifts. Just recently, we spoke about all of the ways we can keep our beady little eyes on the fellow as he makes his way around the earth.
So in this weeks Top 10, our last one before Christmas, we thought we’d look at the Top 10 alternative Santa’s in the whole of geekdom. We’ve analysed many different aspects of each of these Santa’s and there’s even a controversial decision to put one only in an honourable mention – so do let us know your opinions on him being there. Here we go then with our Top 10 Alternative Santa’s in Geekdom.
Welcome to our next Top 10 post, where Joel and myself have gotten together to splice up a sweet little list for you all.
Today, we thought we’d think about the Top 10 Crazies in Gaming… Now, a crazy is someone who isn’t exactly all there. They might find some odd things amusing, or they might not think normally. They might like to inflict pain and suffering but most importantly: They’re crazy and you’ll know it.
So join us in our journey through the madness that is the Top 10 Crazies in Gaming!
The Top 10
10) Achenar – Myst
One of the imprisoned sons of Atrus from the Myst series. Sirrus and Achenar carved a trail of destruction through the worlds their father created; Sirrus out of greed and self obsession, but Achenar seems only to want to destroy. Through exploration of the Ages you encounter evidence of his lunacy, an obsession with torture, animal trapping, fixation on blood and death.
Achenar’s insanity is uncovered through exploration, and by talking to his giggling face through a portal to his prison-world. He is a dangerous madman, and kicks off our list at number ten.
9) Kefka Palazzo – Final Fantasy VI
If the picture above doesn’t symbolise just how insane Kefka is, his ever haunting laugh will certainly be testament to this jesters insanity.
Kefka cracks out with dark jokes, relishes in the pain and suffering of others and has absolutely no regard for human life. He lacks self-control and he hates everything in the world: Only enjoying death, pain and suffering.
What a psychopath!
8) Alice Liddell – American McGee’s Alice franchise
Being treated for insanity and catatonia, Alice was beginning to lose her grip on reality. Her only possession is a stuffed white rabbit, which happens to be the creature that calls her back into the Wonderland that she used to explore so long ago.
Unfortunately for her, this Wonderland has changed thanks to her mind. With the corrupt Queen of Hearts now in control, can Alice actually battle her sanity and the Queen of Hearts in an attempt to win back the Wonderland?
Possibly, but she’ll still be in Rutledge asylum afterwards.
7) Max – Sam & Max franchise
Max, the lovable little bunny to the right of the duo above us is a rather impulsive bunny. Although he is generally in control of his actions, he’s very impulsive and he’s not afraid to say and do whatever his mind tells him.
Ultimately, the better judgement always wins, however his lunacy also makes him a volatile poker player. Be warned, else you might get fleeced by the bunny with no true long-term plan.
6) Dr. N. Gin – Crash Bandicoot franchise
Dr. N. Gin replaced Dr. N. Brio in Crash Bandicoot 2. N. Gin noticeably has a large missile protruding from his skull. That can’t be comfortable and indeed it is the cause of several of his massive migraines.
Dr. N. Gin is a genius, but having made that live nuclear missile turn into a kind of life support machine… Um, you’d better believe you need to be insane to pull off something like that! Especially when your emotions sets that thing back off!
5) Harley Quinn – Arkham franchise (Arkham City)
Coming in at number five on our list is the Joker’s lunatic devotee! Why her and not the Joker? Because in spite of Heath Ledger’s famous “Dog chasing cars” speech, the Joker is possessed of a single minded focus. His girlfriend on the other hand is a scatter-brained, mallet-wielding anarchy machine, dangerous enough when following the directions of her precious Mr J, but without him she’s a freewheeling hate-monger.
Quinn is subject of her very own DLC in Batman Arkham City, where players can see the damage a woman scorned can do!
4) Pokey Minch – Mother franchise
From the start, Pokey is manipulative and yet he only gets his way through lying.
He lies his way to get to become the high priest of a cult (No, really…) He then lies his way to becoming a business consultant for a mayor (No… Really..!) Then he uses his accumulated wealth to buy himself a helicopter and basically dares you to follow him to what’s effectively the ultimate evil.
Throughout the game, he becomes more and more power mad, driven by his own greed and desire for power.
After all is said and done, he ends Earthbound (the 2nd game in the Mother franchise) by leaving you a message: “Come and get me, loser! Spankety spankety spankety!”” What a nut-job! He only gets worse in Mother 3, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
3) Krieg – Borderlands 2
The conductor of the poop train comes in at number three. Borderlands’ “Psycho” playable character charges through the world smashing skulls and salting wounds and setting himself on fire! No really, he sets himself on fire. He has a skill tree devoted to it. And suicide as a tactical decision. Just, grenades everywhere. You can voluntarily take friendly fire just so you can suicide bomb your enemies.
Kept in check by the sane voice in his head that stops him from killing the “good guys” Krieg is one long maniacal-laugh riot!
Don’t believe how crazy Krieg is? Check out the Borderlands 2 Wiki page, which has all of his quotes. We were laughing through his quotes!
2) Sheogorath – The Elder Scrolls franchise
The lavishly dressed Sheogorath is perhaps the epitome of a mad man. In fact, that makes sense as he is the Daedric Prince of Madness. With his trademack Wabbajack, an item that issues a random effect.
If that wasn’t bad enough, he literally lives in a place called the Shivering Isles, which is also known as “Asylum” to some people and even “the Madhouse”. People go mad there and Sheogorath dresses for the occasion to meet those who would enter his realm. He even had a whole expansion dedicated to his isles in Oblivion (and it was totally worth it!)
1) Pyro – Team Fortress 2
Happiness, loveliness, rainbows and puppies. That’s what goes through the mind of the psychopath Pyro from Valve’s Team Fortress 2. Whilst s/he is running around shooting people with what s/he believes is a pretty bubble launcher; the world around it burns.
Pyro is insane to the membrane, remember this as when you hear the sounds of fire and smell burning flesh, Pyro thinks it’s making the world a better place.
Sometimes, some crazies in gaming are worth mentioning, even though they didn’t quite make the cut to be truly considered the most insane… But hey, these guys are pretty insane in their own right, so why not kick back and rest assured that these guys aren’t real:
Trust me – It’s safer this way.
Ghetsis – Pokemon Black & White
Power is something that is best left out of some peoples hands and Ghetsis is one of these people. The true brain behind Team Plasma, he led N down a wrong path. N believed everything Team Plasma were doing was for the best interests in his friends, the Pokemon, but he was wrong. Ghetsis is one of these rare geniuses who you fear, simply for knowing he’s around.
From the smart advisor for N, to the insane mastermind behind one of the most evil turns in Pokemons history, Ghetsis is to be feared… And we love to hate him for it.
Crazy Dave – Plants vs Zombies
He wears a cooking pot on his head. He speaks in absolute gibberish and he is basically a prophet. That’s right, you heard it here folks: Crazy Dave, the man who drools, wears a cooking pot on his head and speaks in a gibberish language is a prophet. He believed the zombies were coming – and he was right! He also sold you those damn handy plants. Just… Where did he get them from in the first place?
And that’s the end of our Top 10 crazies in gaming. Please be sure to stay tuned for more Top 10 posts, of which Joel and I will be working on together again.
What did you think of our modest list? Do you have some more crazies in gaming that deserve a mention? Let us know and tell us how wrong we are in the comments below, as we’d love to see what you’d suggest deserved a spot on our Top 10 crazies in gaming list.