Space: the final frontier that we’re aware of, but among hypothetical frontiers, barely breaks the top 10. Oh and while we’re on the subject of top 10s…
Games, be they video or board, are so often inspired by the big black void that engulfs us and the possibilities that may await beyond, opportunities, horrors, exploration and adventure. While we had options beyond counting, we somehow managed to drill down to a mere ten games themed in and around space.
It’s grisly, it’s over the top, it’s explosive, it’s gory and frankly it’s unnecessary. We love it! When a character’s heights of violence have become so visceral and excessive that it’s borderline funny in how exaggerated it is, then the character becomes something truly and ridiculously memorable.
Grab yourself a mallet and a big bag of dynamite, and join us in a blood party of epic and stupid proportions as we count down through our Top 10 of gratuitously violent characters, but be forewarned because while we try and keep things civil around here the characters listed do not. Some of the content may be bloody, brutal, and even unpleasant.
Don’tcha just love it! (more…)
Welcome back another issue of our Top 10! This week we’ve been made to look at the Top 10 Jump Scares in Gaming, because all of you lovely viewers want to see us suffer and jump and be reduced to blubber and tears.
Thanks guys. For the record, Timlah loved this one.
Have you ever played a game that you really enjoy, where suddenly you see this really odd thing in the game?
No, I don’t mean an odd pair of socks, or even an odd number of teacups in the game, but instead a really odd weapon? We have and we’ve compiled a small list of the oddest weapons in video gaming. These are in no way a comprehensive list, but these are our top-picks for odd weapons in gaming.
10. Holy Mackerel – Team Fortress 2 (Scout)
Have you ever heard of the phrase “You look like you’ve been slapped by a wet fish”? Well the Scout takes it to the next level by literally slapping you with a wet fish!
To make matters worse for everyone who gets slapped by this most holy of all mackerels, there’s a unique kill-icon for the fish – only it counts how many times you get slapped by the wet fish! Seriously, what a nasty slap to the face that is for you and your team.
9. Scalpel – Guilty Gear (Faust)
First of all, I’d just like to point out that Faust is humongous. I mean he barely fits on the screen, that’s how tall this guy is. So why on earth would he choose to fight using a scalpel? Well it’s simple really: He’s a doctor who’s shamed himself by killing a patient. After having the lust for blood, he’s now realised the errors of his ways and wants to make amends…
… By being a good doctor… Who… beats people up with a giant scalpel. Not only is it a giant scalpel, he uses it as a pogo stick, amongst other things at that. A pogo scalpel. Right, that’s enough Guilty Gear for one day.
8. The Morningstar – Borderlands
They do say we’d all game better if we played like our mother was watching over our shoulders. 2K games has Mum’s back though, and delivers us a sniper rifle that offers pearls of wisdom with every shot:
“If you were a better shot you wouldn’t have to reload!”
“Wonderful shot! Murderer!”
“Just wait until I tell your father!”
Thanks guys, we needed to hear that, and we’re better people thanks to the Hyperion Morningstar range!
7. Hand Cannon – Dead Space 2
Isaac Clarke battles through The Sprawl in Dead Space 2, a massive space station overrun by the Necromorphs. To survive he’ll use a variety of high-tech weapons, from laser cutters to machine-guns and grenade launchers, and beyond those is the single most devastating weapons of them all: the amazing Hand Cannon, a GIANT FOAM FINGER!
Aim this powerful weapon at any enemy and Isaac will shout, “Bang, Bang!” or “Pew Pew Pew” at the enemy, who will subsequently explode into tiny little bits. No more frantic firing trying to dismember the creatures, just point the finger of doom at it and it’ll be gone in tiny little bits!
6. Lulu’s Dolls – Final Fantasy X
Lulu is a master spellcaster, throwing out Firagas and Blizzagas left and right, and clearing everything in such a dazzling spectacle you’d almost fear she’d get sued by ILM. But even she has to get physical at some point, and one look at her and you’d think she’d use one of the many belts that make up her bodice or a wand or staff as is expected of a sorceress.
Well, you’d be wrong. Lulu fights in cute cuddly and at the same time creepy style. Her weapons of choice are dolls. From teddy bears to Moogles, these cute little plushy toys will jump out of her arms, run at the enemy and give them a good whack before coming back to mommy!
5. Keyblade – Kingdom Hearts
This is the Swiss Army Knife of weapons. It can be used to fight, to open doors and chests and even close entire worlds; but what makes it so unique is that it can cut through anything…without actually having an edge. Just look at it, it’s round-shaped and its edge is blocky!
Over the years the number of people wielding the Keyblades has increased and while there have been edgier designs, the blade has never has never truly been sharp. You’d think it would work as a hammer, but nope, not in the Kingdom Hearts universe. If it’s a big key, it’ll cut through anything!
4. Earthworm Jim – Earthworm Jim
Earthworm Jim is a really super guy. An ordinary earthworm in an enhanced mechanical suit that grants him sentience, you have to ask yourself is the worm the hero, or the suit? Well the suit seems to know, and uses the symbiotic wriggler more as tool than pilot. In the games you can use your worm to lash onto hooks, ride zip-lines and whip your enemies into submission if your ammo’s running low.
There’s a joke in here somewhere, but I think the fact that you can use yourself as a tool is joke enough in itself. Nope, I just made it worse.
3. Dubstep Gun – Saints Row IV
The Third Street Saints, over their long criminal and media entertainment career have had a lot of weapons in their arsenal, but none as deadly, terrifying and rhythmic than the Dubstep Gun!
Simply aim and pull the trigger to unleash a hellish beat upon your enemies. They won’t be able to resist and they’ll dance to the beat to appease the weapon’s hunger until they just explode. Thankfully, for the universe, the weapon has a low ammo count.
2. Old Woman – Worms
Worms is bulging with weird and wonderful weapons; they’re invertebrates with floating hands, so this game was never going to be all uzis and shotguns. While we considered the legendary super-sheep, banana bomb, or concrete donkey, we respect and fear our elders, even if those elders are infirm, toxic-ally flatulent and explosive.
Unleash the wrath of the walking-stick wielding monster, the hunchbacked, thick spectacled octogenarian of carnage. Watch as your enemies inhale her every noxious emission before she explodes, for reasons!
1. Mr Toots – Red Faction: Armageddon
You’ve read this right and the video above really doesn’t do this enough justice… And that was the promotional video for this weapon! Yes, it is time to unleash a smelly dose of rainbows and sparkles upon your enemies in a laser-like rainbow storm.
To sweeten the deal even more, your gun is made even more magical than you could ever think possible. In fact, you get your very own Mr. Toots to help you spray butt-propelled rainbow laser beams upon your unsuspecting foes. If you’re in need of explosions, Mr. Toots the magical unicorns butt can provide this for you… And for the sake of the world.
So these are the weapons that certainly can’t be considered normal by any stretch of the imagination, however it’s worth noting that next to our top 10 list, they just aren’t odd enough!
Rather than dismiss them as the norm, we thought we’d give a special shout out to…
Cat Suit – Super Mario 3D World
We couldn’t quite get the Cat Suit as a fully justified weapon as honestly; it’s not. It’s a utility item but it’s one heck of a utility item at that!
Allowing you to climb and cling, claw and chew your way through any of the ridiculously hazardous lands of the Mushroom Kingdom, the Cat Suit is memorably for the fact it’s so damn adorable being a cat. Shame that it’s actually still a dirty, smelly plumber underneath that cat suit and not it just be an actual cat! Jump out at your opponents to make sure they know you’re not a feline to be messed with! This kitten certainly does have claws!
Bow-wow – Legend of Zelda
Koholint Island has a variety of weapons and items for Link to use on his quest to wake the Wind Fish. The most deadly, however, is Bow-wow, Madam MeowMeow’s pet Chain Chomp. Link gets to take him out for a walk around the swamp, opening the way to Bottle Grotto.
He’s an NPC, true, but he’s also the cutest overpowered weapon in the game. It lashes out to the nearest enemy and just devours them! Nothing is left of the poor victim, just loot. But as horrifying as it sounds, you can’t be mad at or afraid of that cute little razor-teeth-filled face!
Those were our top 10 odd weapons in gaming along with two more honorary mentions. We’d like to extend our thanks to Kevin of The Mental Attic and 1001-Up who joined us in writing our Top 10 list this week!
As always, please do leave a comment for us and tell us what are your favourite odd weapons in gaming? Do you think our rankings have been fair, or have we completely dismissed your favourite odd weapon which you think should be shown off? We’d love to see more!
If you want to get involved with the little chit-chat that goes behind these top 10’s, just drop us an e-mail. Alternatively, say in the comments below and we’ll try to make sure you’re included in the writing process behind one of these Top 10’s. Until next time, keep fragging with rubber duckies or whatever sort of weird weapons you like to use… I know I’m going to enjoy playing Guilty Gear and fighting people with an anchor, or perhaps a yo-yo and a hula hoop! A giant scalpel works for me, though!
Is it better to put yourself in the place of the hero, or would you rather play through the adventure of another? A fully fledged person with a personality of their own vs. a place-holder in whose eyes you see through, and whose life you live.
The name “Mary Sue” applies to any character who serves only to fulfil the private wishes and fantasies of the author. They often have limitless or all too convenient powers and abilities that make them effectively unbeatable, and a bland personality. The problem with the voiceless protagonist is that they tend to fall firmly into that category, Gordon Freeman, Link, Isaac Clarke for examples. There are notable examples of speaking “Mary Sues,” most famous perhaps being Master Chief, who loses points for talking but gains them for hiding his face, allowing the player to narcissistically apply his/her own face underneath the helmet (another common factor of the Mary Sue). (more…)